


The Windrunner's Startrail

by Hyperionova



Series: The Windrunner Series [1]
Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Forbidden Love, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Religious Conflict, Strictly fictional, a dash of angst, its a lot of angst, okay I lied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-04-22 12:54:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 39,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14309067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: Sehun's birthday fic!Sehun, a rich, noble-bred Christian. Kai, a peasant, and a pagan."No. My God wouldn’t call what we had just done an abomination. But if I am an abomination for loving you so, then by the Sweet Lady, I will be honoured to be the damnedest abomination to ever walk the earth."~Inspired by the Wode Series by J Tullos Hennig~





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The story is divided into four parts. Thank you for commenting and leaving kudos! Happy birthday, dearest sebooty! <3

 

**_Evershall Academy_ **

 

Scholar Pemberton tore his glare from the hourglass and fixed it on the two most troublesome students of Evershall Academy. Neither looked sorry, with determined indignation etched on their frowning eyebrows and ire on their scowling mouths. Sehun’s particularly hurt. He tried not to show how much the split lip his _beloved_ roommate had given him bothered him. The split lip was simply a reciprocation for the favour Sehun’s fist had left on his roommate’s cheek. He almost smirked when he glanced to Taeyong’s bruising cheek. It looked nasty. But Sehun was sure the bleeding cut on his own lip looked worse. The inside of the left side of his skull also throbbed painfully. Taeyong might have even kneed him in the rib once or twice. Sehun knew he had landed just as many punches and kicks in Taeyong’s lean frame. But Taeyong could always take it better than Sehun ever did. That was in fact the bone of contention. Taeyong could take it better than anyone else. It irritated Sehun.

“Taeyong,” Scholar Pemberton began, leaning back in his seat at the desk. “I feel the need to remind you that such rowdy behaviours will not reflect well on your bursary to pursue your education here at Evershall Academy. It isn’t the first time you two are standing in my office with bleeding faces and broken knuckles.”

Sehun loosened his jaw. It hurt, too.

His knuckles weren’t broken this time. The prefects had broken up the fight before neither of them could get that far.

“Scholar Pemberton,” Taeyong spoke in a hoarse voice. “I had already requested for a change of rooms.”

“Students do not possess the prerogative to _change_ rooms as per their wish, Taeyong,” the professor chided. “You are both twenty, not ten! If you desire to pursue your mastership here, you _will_ obey the rules. This is your third strike!”

Taeyong and Sehun hung their heads. They both knew better than to disagree with a professor.

Scholar Pemberton rose from his seat and ambled to the windows. “And what were you thinking, Taeyong?!” he yapped, jerking a hand at Sehun. “Hitting _and_ marking a nobleman’s son? If you weren’t at the top of all your classes, you will be expelled with no questions asked! The professors, including myself, believe that you have talents and wisdom like no other student. But you seem to forgo them whenever it comes to Sehun. When his father knows—”

“I wasn’t the one who started it! I never am!” Taeyong defended.

“It doesn’t matter!” the professor silenced him. “A peasant boy laying hand on a nobleman’s son? I hope you hear how atrocious that sounds. Do you?”

He waited for an answer Taeyong was reluctant to give.

Taeyong briefly turned to glower ragefully at Sehun, who maintained an expressionless face.

“Do you?”

Taeyong looked at Scholar Pemberton, gritting his teeth. “I do, sir.”

“Good.” The professor tugged at the lapels of his robe and rubbed his wrinkled forehead. “And Sehun… this isn’t how a lord’s son behaves,” he said with a frown. “I’m sure your father would be very disappointed if he hears.”

Oh, Sehun prayed to heavens that he would not hear. Scholar Pemberton was not wrong. His father _would_ be greatly disappointed, and Sehun knew the punishments that entailed misbehaviours in the were not kind in the least.

“I will have no choice but to report to Lord Grant if this persists,” the professor said.

“No,” Sehun said. “It will not happen again, sir.”

“That’s what you promised last time.”

Sehun frowned. “It really won’t happen again.”

“It better not, for all of your sake.” The professor huffed loudly. “Very well. You will still need to face your comeuppance, however. Taeyong, I will write a letter to Madshire to inform your father of your misdemeanour should this repeat itself. And as for you, Sehun, this shall also be your final warning before word will reach your father. You two will be assigned to tend to the academy’s stable and horses every morning from the second bell until your classes.  Not a day to be missed, all the way to the Summer Solstice holidays. That’s a week from now. Sehun, you are expected to feed and groom the horses. Taeyong will clean the stable and you better not leave a speck of horse stool behind.”

“What? Why must I—” Taeyong started to protest but fell quiet, probably biting his tongue when he realized he was four whole social classes beneath Sehun. Not that he needed any reminder. He was already getting plenty of that every single day.

“You’re dismissed,” the scholar said, turning his back to them.

Sehun turned on his heel and started for the door. In the corridor, he momentarily glanced back at Taeyong, who shut the door behind him and leaned against it, closing his eyes, taking in a deep breath. Sehun was not going to feel sorry for the sod. Taeyong, in spite of coming from an impecunious family, outdid everyone in their year. Maybe even the upperclassmen. He was not only smart on paper, he was also the best swordsman in Master Cay’s class. Mathematics was not his only strong suit. Alchemy, geometry, Latin, capoeira, combat, fencing, you name it. He excelled at it all. That was how he had secured himself the bursary offered by the church to practise his mastership here in Evershall Academy, the most prestigious institute in all of Dornwich. Give it a few more years and Taeyong might even be serving at King Raynaldus’ side.

Only when Taeyong opened his glaring eyes and turned them to Sehun did the latter look away. Unfortunately, other sets of critical eyes remained on Taeyong as he started towards the dormitory. The students whispered to each other, not bold enough to voice them out loud in Taeyong’s presence. He did just try to break a nobleman’s son’s face.

“Are you all right?”

Sehun almost jumped with a start when Kyungsoo sneaked up on him from nowhere. “Yes,” he said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Kyungsoo grimaced. “For one, your face looks like it just took a dive into the ground.”

Sehun groaned, wiping a corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. “It did.”

“I saw,” Kyungsoo mumbled as he followed Sehun through the corridor. Taeyong had disappeared in the throng of people, who really just needed something to gossip about. Gossip was, alas, scarce in an institute where no women were welcome. Some of the boys snuck out to the nearby brothel for a good lay once in a while, but that didn’t stir up as many as gossips as it did conversations and laughs among the boys about how ‘tight’ or ‘sweet’ ‘she’ was.

While some boys climbed over school walls, chasing a good time between or behind lasses, Sehun was on his knees, hands clasped, eyes clenched, praying for absolution for the sins he had committed. They weren’t many. They weren’t serious. But they were there. Lies to his father, desires that carried more filth than muck on a spring day, curses he spewed wholeheartedly, teachers he disrespected, rules he disobeyed or wished to obey, food he wasted, and so much more.

Taeyong never prayed. Or at least Sehun had never seen him pray. He’d pin Sehun with an odd, bemused look every time Sehun did, however. Annoyed, Sehun would hurl an insult in his way. In return, Taeyong would flash his cocky smirk and say, “If you say so.”

Their nights usually ended with one of them leaving the room and not returning until the other was asleep.

“Perhaps you should go see the school physician,” Kyungsoo suggested as they perched on a balustrade.

Sehun hissed when his cheek stung as his fingers stroked them. “That bloody, good-for-nothing sod,” he muttered under his breath. He didn’t need others hearing Lord Grant’s son swear so crudely.

“You spend too much time around him. You’re picking up his… fashion of speaking,” Kyungsoo said. Sehun rolled his eyes. It most certainly was not _Taeyong’s_ fashion of speaking Sehun had adopted. “Not a very good colour on you.”

“How much did I miss in Arithmetic?” Sehun asked, nursing his clotting cheek.

“Not much. I can share my notes with you if you wish.”

“Thank you.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Kyungsoo asked, arching an eyebrow. “Will you tell your father this time about what Taeyong has done?”

“I’m not a backboneless milksop,” Sehun said defensively. “I gave as much as I took. Why must I go grouse to my father? I’m not a little boy.”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo murmured. “I just thought you’d want to get revenge? I’m certain your father would not let Taeyong and his family continue to reside in Dornwich. One word to the King and—”

Sehun scowled. “I am no fink. He and I are even. Done and proper. It was over, right there and then.”

Kyungsoo held his hands up. “Understood. I will never, however, understand why you two are constantly at each other’s neck. It is true that no one wants a peasant’s son for a roommate or even a classmate, but if you want, you could have your father get rid of him with a snap of his fingers.”

Sehun rose from the balustrade. “I do not resent him for being a peasant’s son. Nor have I ever.” Hearing such a thing from Kyungsoo surprised him. It had never even crossed his mind. His animosity towards Taeyong had not sprouted from bigotry, absolutely not. Sehun was not his father. Sehun was not most of Dornwich. He was not his brother, who treated anyone from the classes lower than him with contempt and derision. His rivalry with Taeyong burgeoned from something completely different and unfathomable.

“I ought to go wash myself,” Sehun said when he heard the 18th bell peal from the bell tower. “I will see you at dinner.”

Kyungsoo nodded his head.

Sehun walked as fast as he could up the stairs to avoid anyone else stopping him in his way to inquire about his bruised face. The first-year underclassmen were the worst. They would go out of their way to fawn over Sehun, the lastborn of Lord Grant, Earl of Vingaild.

Everyone here was sons of noblemen and women. All but Taeyong, of course. But only Sehun’s father had won King Raynaldus the Battle of Cins.

One of his knees ached as he climbed up the stairs. He knew he’d be limping tomorrow.

He noticed that Taeyong hadn’t shut the door when he reached their room. Letting himself in, he slammed the door shut with a force harder than needed. Taeyong didn’t even flinch as he lay in his bed with an arm draped over his eyes and a leg lazily hanging over the edge of the bed. He had his uniform shirt creased and the school’s maroon blazer and necktie discarded on the floor.

Light from the setting sun poured into the room through the window near which Taeyong’s bed resided. The sunrays played their way through the deep brown strands of Taeyong’s hair and gleamed on his face. His chest rose and fell steadily. Only then did Sehun realize that the bastard was asleep. Taeyong could sleep through a thunderstorm or even a war. It had to be a gift bestowed upon him by an upbringing in a dismal county like Madshire. Sehun once overheard him say to some underclassmen that he used to sleep with a knife in his hand. Thank God he had forsaken that habit when he moved in to live with Sehun.

Shedding his clothes, Sehun stepped into the bathroom they shared. Taeyong always had the decency to spare Sehun some water. Probably because he did not want to get into trouble in case Sehun decided to complain to the administration about his lack of respect for the dormitory rules.

Taking a quick and quiet bath, Sehun dried and clothed himself again in his uniform before he could show up for dinner in the Feast Hall. When he exited the bathroom, the sun had already set, and Taeyong was lying on his stomach now with half of his limbs hanging out of the bed.

To hell with him, Sehun thought and walked out of the room. He was glad the bastard was asleep. He didn’t harbour any more energy for another confrontation. He proceeded to the feast hall with hunger gnawing at the walls of his stomach.

The ink was still there, etched on the walls like an engravement. Sehun shuddered as he always did whenever he walked past them.

**_Cocksucker. Sinner. May the Hellfire burn your filthy soul._ **

The story of Gracraes, the only son of the late Lord Chaefiel of Swadgilt was a gossip that never died in Evershall Academy and beyond the walls of the institute.

Sehun found Kyungsoo and upperclassman Jaehyun at their usual table, wolfing down hunks of potato breads and nuggets of roasted squabs.

“Ouch,” Jaehyun said with a playful grimace as Sehun approached the table. “He gave it to you good, huh?”

Sehun did not retort as he thanked God for the food and helped himself to it. Eyes were on him. He didn’t care.

“Let’s hope that heals before the Summer Solstice Festival,” Kyungsoo said with stuffed cheeks.

“Speaking of which,” Sehun started, desperate to divert the conversation. “I hope your families have received invitations to the annual dinner.”

“We will be there,” Jaehyun promised. “So, what did Pemberton say this time?”

“A week at the stable,” Sehun grumbled. “At least it’s not the lavatories.”

The squabs were overdone, but Sehun was starved enough to not to be picky. He tore a piece and dipped in the honey-mustard sauce. Taeyong was missing out on a decent meal. Not that Sehun cared. Jaehyun probably did, though.

“Where is he?” Jaehyun asked, as though he had heard Sehun’s thoughts. Sehun did not answer. Taeyong always owned a soft spot in Jaehyun’s heart. Jaehyun used to be Taeyong’s student instructor in Master Cay’s class. In spite of being one of Sehun’s closest friends, and Jaehyun’s father one of Sehun’s father’s, Jaehyun never took a stance in this whole Sehun versus Taeyong rivalry. He always called himself the “neutral party”. Which sounded a lot like “coward” in Sehun’s ears.

“I was thinking about going to the chapel this Friday,” Kyungsoo said to break the awkward silence among them. “Willing to tag along any of you?”

“I must start packing, so no,” said Jaehyun without lifting his eyes from the shavings of meat on his plate.

“What you really mean is that you’d be chasing a good time between some tart’s legs,” Kyungsoo scoffed.

Jaehyun shrugged with a sly smirk. “You two ought to try it out occasionally.”

“No, thank you,” Sehun said. “If father knew… he’d skin me alive.”

“All the more reason to run towards the thrill. Does he still want you to accept the sponsorship to pursue the seminary?”

Sehun nodded.

“One should be honoured to serve the Lord so close,” Kyungsoo said, sighing.

“I wouldn’t have come to Evershall if that had been my ambition,” Sehun replied calmly. His jaw hurt every time he spoke or chew.

“The seminary doesn’t have a Taeyong, at least.”

Sehun closed his eyes and heaved a breath.

“He isn’t that bad,” Jaehyun then said. “Unless you’re deliberately looking for trouble.”

Arching an eyebrow at Jaehyun, Sehun shook his head. “Why do you take his side all of a sudden?” he said, accusingly.

“I’m not,” he muttered. “The lad’s a quiet one. Doesn’t go into any fights apart from yours. Minds his own business most of the time. Pretty down-to-earth considering he outdoes all of us.” There was nonchalance in Jaehyun’s speech. But also, tact and subtle discretion. “But then of course, you already know that, don’t you?”

This had Sehun looking away, embarrassed.

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo asked with curiosity widening his eyes.

With a smug grin, Jaehyun picked up his glass of water. “You haven’t told him?”

“Told me what?”

“Jaehyun,” Sehun began to protest. “Go away.”

Jaehyun lifted a hand. “I am going.” He clapped the hand to Kyungsoo’s back and rose. “Good night, then.”

Once he was gone, Kyungsoo faced Sehun with puzzlement.

“I can’t wait to go home for the Summer Solstice,” Sehun said. It wasn’t exactly a lie. But even with Taeyong in it, Evershall was his home now. Here, he could be freer than he ever could in Vingaild.

That night, when Sehun returned to his room, Taeyong was still sound asleep. Sehun dropped to his knees, clasped his hands together against his forehead and prayed.

He heard Taeyong stir on his bed. Opened his eyes.

Taeyong was sitting up, staring at Sehun like he always did when Sehun prayed. His penetrative gaze was familiar. His eyes, too.

“What do you pray for?” Taeyong asked in the dark, stamping out the silence that usually filled their room. There was curiosity in Taeyong’s tone.

Sehun was not planning on answering. Taeyong was still of the old religion. Not for long, Sehun surmised. The reason why the church sponsored him to study in Evershall Academy was in fact to guide Taeyong and his heathen people onto the right path.

“Why do you care?” Sehun muttered as he got rid of his clothes and slid into his own bed.

Taeyong did not reply. He fell back on the mattress. It was not the first time Taeyong had tried to initiate a civil conversation between them. It was also not the first time Sehun had ignored it.

What was the fight even about, Sehun wondered as he lay still in the bed, staring at the crevices in the ceiling. He remembered bumping shoulders with Taeyong in the corridor one moment and the next, they were scrapping on the ground on top of each other.

Taeyong was never Sehun’s problem. Sehun was simply just petty and spiteful to take out his grievances towards _someone_ on the person closest to that _someone_. Better to be enemies with kin of an enemy than be friends.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” Sehun growled, throwing an arm over the beast’s neck to hold it down. “Why won’t you budge?”

Taeyong snickered from the other side of the stable. The sun hadn’t even come up and the sod was already looking to get his head cracked open. Sehun glowered at him for a moment before he turned his attention back to the belligerent horse.

Sehun never liked the creatures. Only because they never liked him. But Taeyong looked so comfortable around them that Sehun was once again burning with jealousy.

“Here,” Taeyong said, approaching the stall. He held out a handful of hay to the horse’s muzzle, bringing his free hand to stroke the beast’s nose. The horse immediately calmed under his touch. “Like that. They respond to aggression with aggression.”

A deeper scowl took seat on Sehun’s eyebrows. He generally wasn’t fond of Taeyong. And the fact that Taeyong tried to treat him like an ignorant child at every chance he got made it all the worse.

“Did your father, the horse whisperer, teach you that?” Sehun asked. He wasn’t sure if he intended it to be an insult.

Taeyong smirked. “My brother.” He walked away from the stall. Sehun swallowed at the mention of Taeyong’s brother. Taeyong paused to scan Sehun’s bruised jaw and lip. For a moment, Sehun almost thought that Taeyong might apologize. But then again, the boy had a pride just as relentless as Sehun. “That’s an angry lip you got there.”

Sehun rolled his eyes. “And that’s quite a bit of a chunk of beetroot you have there,” he shot back, jerking his chin at Taeyong’s cheek.

Taeyong picked up the wooden bucket and brush. “Have you ever mounted a horse?” he asked without derision in his tone.

“Of course, I have!” Sehun spat. “What do you take me for? A simpleton who can’t ride a horse?!”

“That’s precisely what I took you for,” Taeyong admitted with a snort.

Sehun gritted his teeth. “I ride them. I just don’t like them.”

“I have never met anyone that doesn’t like horses.”

“Don’t your folk ride donkeys and mules?”

Taeyong took offence in that as his eyebrows furrowed. “Yes, we do,” was his curt answer and, he returned to his chores.

 

* * *

 

****

**_Madshire_ **

 

The winds had shifted. The forests in Madshire were as bleak as ever. Unlike the forests surrounding Vingaild. It was not a successful hunt. The harvest had been good last year. But it would not be enough to see them through this year. As midsummer approached, there was less and less hope for a cosy winter. And there was only so much wood they could take from the forest.

The air was quiet. Light. Warm. Though the river flowed, there was no fish to catch. Birds preferred the green and fervour the Vingaild Woods imparted. Murders of crows, however, homed to Madshire.

His mother would be pleased nevertheless when Kai returned home with a couple of rabbits. “They’d make a fine dinner,” she’d say with her usual kind smile.

He found a white one. Drew his bow. Took an aim. Almost shot.

“Kai!” he heard his sister howl through the forest. “There you are!”

Grumbling under his breath, he turned around to meet her with a sour glare. “You just let our dinner escape.”

“Oh, stop whining,” she said, catching her breath as she stopped a few feet before him. “He’s returned!”

Kai blinked.

“Our brother’s home!” Yeri yapped, as though Kai hadn’t heard her the first time.

“He wasn’t supposed to be back until tomorrow,” he rasped, slinging the bow over his shoulder, and started towards home.

“But he is!” his sister exclaimed with excitement, hopping after him like the bunny he had let slip. “And he _looks_ incredible! Not as scrawny as he was when he lived here. He even smells good!”

Kai broke into a jog. His heart was also pounding with exhilaration. It had been a year since he had last seen his brother, since he left for the school only the poncy, hoity-toity noble-bred sons of Dornwich attended. Kai and his family had been immensely proud of his brother that day. He was the first from Madshire to ever get into Evershall Academy. A cordwainer’s son smart enough to score a place in the most prestigious college in all of Dornwich was not a news one heard every day.

“He doesn’t look like he’s one of us anymore,” Yeri said as she followed Kai to the cottage. “He looks like one of them! Clean and quick-witted. Not like you. Covered in dirt with twigs and hay in your hair at all times.”

Kai came to a halt to grin back at his sister before he locked her head in an arm until she squirmed. “Oh, and you think of yourself as a silk-stocking lady, do you?”

“Ow!” she yelled. “At least I’m not a brute like you!”

He released her head and proceeded home. “Tell me more.”

“He came in the school’s carriage! It was big! And he brought trunks of books with him. Not that that’s of any use to you. We all know ‘books’ is a word you soulfully loathe.”

Kai did not bother to make a reply as he raced across the streets. The sun scorched the very ground he ran on. Fierce summer heat licked at the back of his neck. Sweat beads trickled down his forehead and soaked the collar of his tunic. Blood pulsed in his temples. Excitement coursed through his veins.

“Careful!” Clyde, Donny’s father squawked when Kai almost ran into him.

“Sorry!” he cried back but kept running. “My little brother’s home!”

“I know!”

He raced past his father’s working shed. Their cottage was as small as any other in Madshire. But it was warm with his mother’s presence, his father’s hard work, and his sister’s playfulness. Kai contributed in every way he could. He hunted, he did menial works for the feudal lords, he did everything that paid. Paid enough to help his brother through his education. Of course, it was an effective scheme by the church to get the people of Madshire to accept _their_ God and religion. And what better way was there than through the son of the reeve of the people of Madshire?

Kai was nowhere near as smart as his brother. Taeyong knew way more words than Kai did when he was ten and Kai was twelve. He still did. Except that now it wasn’t only just words that Taeyong knew better than Kai. It really did seem comical to their neighbours and friends when Taeyong was accepted into Evershall Academy with his tuition fees paid for him by the church and Kai barely made it through the local grammar school. He was refused to be given any further education after the preceptor had accused Kai of trying to woo his daughter. Which was absolute madness because if there were anything in this damned world that appeared to be more unappetizing to him than wet sand on a rainy day, it was women. He’d run from them like a spooked horse.

“Does he know?” Yeri asked once Kai had slowed to a walk as he neared the cottage.

He cocked an eyebrow at his sister. “What?”

“Donny’s father. Does he know that you’ve been shagging his son senseless behind the alehouse every night?”

Kai almost choked on his own breath. He quickly looked around them to make sure that no one was listening to them. Then he gave his sister a slap on the back of her head. “Your bloody mouth.”

She grinned, then screeched when Kai twisted her ear. “You are really missing out,” she said, shoving her brother’s hand away. “The lasses go crazy for you. My friend Kaleena wants you, you know. She is ready to lift her kirtle for you anytime.”

“You can tell her to keep it down,” Kai grumbled.

“Because you’d rather the lads lift their tunics for you.”

He grabbed a handful of his sister’s hair and gave it a tug. “One more word of this and you will regret it, Yeri.”

“All right! All right!” She pushed Kai away. Kai was suddenly glad that his dark skin could hide whatever red there was on his cheeks. It was embarrassing enough that his friend had blabbered about Donny to Yeri while he was plastered to the ground. She would never let this go now. “So… Do you like Donny?”

Kai grimaced at her then. “What did I just say?”

“I’m just asking.” She shrugged. “Is it… love?”

It wasn’t. It was fucking. Nothing more, nothing less. Donny was a nice lad. He certainly knew what he did, and he did it really well, too. But he wasn’t Kai’s first and he definitely would not be his last either.

“Do I look like someone who does that sort of nonsense?” Kai shot at her.

“No,” she said. “But who knows. A change of heart is always possible. Even for a tosser like you.”

Kai stopped in his tracks when he spotted the carriage parked outside the cottage. A carriage like that looked out of place in a district so filthy and lifeless. As proud as he was about his brother, he also dreaded that soon, Taeyong might become one of _them_. They who killed the innocent in the name of their _God_. They who purveyed _peace_ through blood and war. They who deemed pagans as demons and lowlifes.

Losing his brother to one of them terrified Kai. Because then would come a time the brothers rivalled each other.

“Kai?” his sister called, curling a careful hand around his arm.

Kai shook his head and mustered a smile. “Let us go welcome our brother home.”

Yeri was not wrong. Taeyong did look different. He looked more like a proper man than a dirty lad like Kai.

“Brother,” Taeyong gasped when Kai entered the cottage and found him lounged on one of the pallets on the loft with a cup of cool herbal milk. He shot up to his feet and pounced on Kai.

A pang of guilt struck Kai’s chest as he hesitated to embrace his well-clothed brother. He did not want to sully his brother’s nice and clean school uniform with his raggedy old tunic. But Taeyong didn’t pull away. Kai lightly wrapped his arms around his brother’s lithe body.

“You look well,” Kai said, withdrawing from the embrace.

Taeyong smiled. “Thank you.” He had always been extremely laconic. Which made the lasses go bonkers for him. Kai, on the other hand, was as crass as ever. Rude, rough, and good at doing what interested him. Which also made the lasses go bonkers for _him_.

Kai took a step back to take a better look at his brother. He certainly no longer looked he was from Madshire. He had a nice hair now. Clean fingernails. It made Kai want to look down at the dirt caking under his own nails. He resisted.

“Was it a relaxing ride?” Kai asked, dropping onto a pallet. Taeyong joined his side.

“It was,” he answered.

They were soon joined by their mother, father, and sister. Yeri eagerly took a seat beside Taeyong and rifled her fingers through his hair. “How did you get it to be so soft,” she remarked. Probably unpolluted water and proper soap, unlike the mucky water and horse soap they used in Madshire. Taeyong chuckled. “Oh, brother. You must tell us all about your college!”

“Give your brother some space to breathe, will you?” her mother chided her.

Kai looked over to fatigued father, who seemed to be growing older and wearier every time Kai saw him. He frowned at his father’s grin directed towards Taeyong. At least one of his sons was making the man proud. Not that he would ever admit how much of a disappointment Kai was to him. Although he never approved of Kai’s interest in hunting and developing his skills to be a guardsman someday, he never forced Kai to follow his footsteps as a cordwainer. When Yeri got married, the working shed was all that the man had to gift his son-in-law.

“I see that not much has changed in Madshire,” Taeyong commented, looking out the window of the loft.

“How’s studies, lad?” their father inquired.

“Fine, Dad,” he replied politely. “Better than I expected it to be.”

Kai gave his brother’s shiny boots a once-over. They looked expensive. He was a cordwainer’s son after all. He knew a pair of good shoes when he saw one. But they weren’t the one their father had made Taeyong when he left Madshire.

“We are so happy you are back for the Summer Solstice Festival,” their mother said, handing Taeyong another cup of milk. “There will be a hoedown this year.”

“Here in Madshire?” Taeyong asked, eyes widening.

“Yes.”

“Well, that’s one thing that’s changed.”

“Harold’s lass got hitched,” Kai supplied.

“What? To whom?”

“Garett from Hamptonshire,” Yeri said. There was a faint frown on Taeyong’s eyebrows then.

“Oh, yes. You had eyes on that broad, didn’t you?” Kai scoffed and Taeyong hurled a straw cushion their mother had sewn in his way.

“Speaking of broads,” their father broached. “have you any in Evershall?”

Taeyong reddened. “No, Dad!”

“Not that you shouldn’t,” the man said. “I’d rather you marry her before giving her a child like Garett did.”

“That’s what happened?” Taeyong gasped.

“So long I get grandchildren from one of you,” their mother said as she rose to her full height. “I shall boil some corn. Mind getting some from the sheaf?” she asked her husband, who immediately followed.

Once they were left alone, Yeri turned to Kai with a wild grin. “Well, she definitely won’t be getting any grandchildren from you,” she whispered under her breath and hissed when Kai pinched her arm. Then she turned to her other brother. “Is there really no girl, brother?” she asked, tugging at Taeyong’s shirt sleeve.

“I swear to the Sweet Lady,” Taeyong said, sighing. “What of you two? Any luck while I was gone?”

Kai yawned, and Yeri blushed. “Our beloved brother had some luck,” she said, and Kai looked at her sharply.

“Oh, my. Is that so?” Taeyong rasped. “Who’s the fortunate lass to catch our handsome brother’s eyes?”

“Not the lass as much as her brother,” she muttered only for Kai’s ear to hear.

He kicked Yeri’s ankle. “Don’t pay her any heed. She’s turning into mad Old Gretchen.”

“Old Gretchen is a kind woman,” Taeyong said.

“She’s also nutty as a fruitcake.” Kai shrugged, and Taeyong laughed.

“I cannot disagree with that.”

Taeyong looked healthy. Happy even. Everyone who got away from Madshire either found happiness or death. Kai only hoped that his brother would stick with the former.

Taeyong momentarily averted his gaze to the cawing crows outside. “It is like he’s right here,” he mumbled under his breath with an insidious smile.

“Who?” Kai questioned.

Taeyong met his eyes and laughed. “You would not believe who I’m sharing a room with. It was the only room available.”

Kai cocked an eyebrow. Yeri was already guessing who it might be.

“The duke? His son? The baroness’ son?”

“The Earl of Vingaild’s son,” Taeyong divulged a moment later and studied Kai’s reaction.

Kai gave none, but breath snagged in his chest. Blood ran cold. “Which one?” he asked when he found his voice again.

“The youngest,” Taeyong said. “And he is still the absolute worst.”

“How could you live with him?” Yeri asked, horrified. It felt like a boot to the chest. Kai felt his heart skip a beat. It maddened him.

“Well, he hasn’t killed me yet. Not for the lack of trying, though.”

“That must be… awkward,” said Yeri. “What about your friends? Have you any?”

“A peasant boy hobnobbing with noblemen’s children?” Taeyong snorted. Paused. Contemplated. Blushed. Bit his lip. “There is one… He is very kind to me. An upperclassman.”

“I’m happy to hear you’re making friends,” Kai said. “with noble-bred lads… Christians.”

Taeyong frowned, discerning the reproach in Kai’s voice. “He isn’t like that. Well, he is noble-bred and a Christian, but it’s not what you think. He isn’t condescending like others.”

“They all are, Taeyong,” Kai said. “You are incredibly naïve if you think you can rub elbows with a patrician and—”

“Leave him to rest, both of you,” their mother said when she returned to the loft with a bowl of corncobs. “Your father just went to fetch some potatoes. We really were expecting you to arrive tomorrow, darling.”

“I wanted to surprise you,” Taeyong said, standing up to accept the corncobs. He was not only the clever child, but also the polite one.

“Ouch!” Kai growled when his mother swatted his hand that reached for a corncob in the bowl.

“Not for you. You weren’t the one who had travelled all the way from Evershall,” she said. Kai rolled his eyes and slumped back against the pallet. Taeyong took half a corncob and passed the rest over to Kai. “Now, what were you talking about?”

“Brother was just telling us about his nobleman friend!” Yeri clamoured.

Kai bit into the salty corn and watched Taeyong crimson once more.

“He isn’t exactly a friend,” Taeyong murmured. “He mentored me for a class some months ago.”

“Are people there being nice to you, sweetheart?” his mother inquired. There was the same concern in her eyes that had been lurking for the past one year and four months.

This Taeyong hesitated to answer. “Most of them do not care for my existence, which I believe is better than receiving the _stink eye_ endlessly. They didn’t use to talk to me. But most of them do now. The professors are very kind to me.”

“Of course, they are,” Kai chimed in. “They want you to convert. And us with you.”

“That is not true,” Taeyong said. “I am there because of my mastery and virtuosity.”

Kai looked confused. “Your… what?”

Taeyong sighed. “My abilities.”

Wasn’t the first time Taeyong had used words Kai had never even heard of. Wasn’t the first time they argued. But it had been a while. Though Taeyong wrote letters to the family, Kai was never the one to write him back. Their father wrote the reply letters.

“For as smart as you are,” Kai said, ruffling Taeyong’s kempt and silky hair. “you sure are as daft as Mollie’s hinny.”

Taeyong let out a gasp. “She has a hinny?”

“She went and mated with a randy horse during rut season.”

“Wow.”

Their mother snatched the bowl of corn from Kai’s hands and replaced it back in Taeyong’s. “Go see if your father needs any help,” she told Kai. He was about to broach a sensitive topic and she was trying to prevent it. Kai was no Taeyong. Kai was crass and straightforward. He didn’t know how to sugar-coat his words. He’d speak them as they were.

But there was a time for everything, he supposed. He was seeing his brother after very long. He had missed Taeyong regardless. This was not the time to argue.

“Get some rest, brother,” he said and rose to his feet with a pat on Taeyong’s shoulder. “I have already made your bed.”

“Thank you,” Taeyong said. He said “thank you” now. To his brother. If that did not make him more like the pretentious, pompous, churchgoing grandees, then Kai did not know what did.

He found his father in the garden, staring at a basket of dirt covered potatoes.

“Dad?” he called. The aging man turned, squinting at the burning sun. “Are those potatoes that interesting?”

His father scoffed. “A guardsman came by while you were away.”

Kai crossed his arms over his chest, immediately scowling. “What did he want?”

“Wipe away that angry look,” his father said calmly, raising a hand to Kai’s shoulder. “We must journey to Vingaild anon.”

Scowl turned to frown. “What? Why?”

“Shoes.” His father sighed. “The earl wants shoes. He’s ordered me to come see him tomorrow morning.”

That was good news, despite the fact that Kai could barely hold his temper upon hearing that his father had been _ordered_ by some lord yet again. He had no right to be cross, though. They were peasants and _they_ were noblemen after all.

“I would like you to accompany me,” his father said.

As much as Kai resented going anywhere near Vingaild, he wasn’t going to let his father go on his own.

There was an easier way for the crusaders to get rid of paganism other than to convince its worshippers to choose the “right” path. Killing them.

“I will,” Kai said. “Why does the earl need shoes all of a sudden?”

“The Vingaild Supper,” was the answer his father gave him.

Kai fought the urge to roll his eyes. The Earl held the dinner once every year during midsummer to gloat to the haves and aggravate the have-nots.

There’d be a long table, filled with food cooked by the best cooks in Dornwich, fruits imported from lands across the sea, and wine that never stopped flowing. While the peasants on the very land starved to death.

 How could Kai not hate their kind?

And he did. With every inch of his soul.

“Now, go leave Mollie some fodder,” his father said. “And do not think much about this, Kai. I mean it. You already have attracted enough trouble from them.”

“I won’t, Dad,” he promised. At least not the kind of trouble his father thought he’d be attracting.

“There’s a good lad.”

Kai exhaled heavily and started toward the jennet and her hinny to feed them.

**_  
_ **

* * *

****

 

**_Vingaild_ **

****

Nobody greeted him at the gates. Sehun wasn’t expecting anyone, anyway. But it still had his gut twisted in knots. A new stable lad took the carriage horses away after bowing his head confusedly to Sehun. It wasn’t a face that was familiar to the stable lad. Did anybody even remember that Sehun returned home today?

With sorrow clutching at his chest, he walked up to his father’s room. Nothing was out of the ordinary. There were more guards now. And there were new servants. But that wasn’t anything surprising. His father changed his servants as often as the waves shifted.

“Master Sehun?” came a voice from the top of the staircase.

Sehun looked up to find Brother Roland smiling down at him.

“You’re home,” he said as Sehun climbed up to him with a smile. “How have you been, son?”

“Well, Brother Roland,” Sehun said. “Is Father home?”

“He is. I just talked with him. We were in fact discussing about you.”

“Oh,” Sehun said dully. “What might that be about?”

“Nothing of ill. We are proud of how dedicated you are to the church. I hope you are considering your sponsorship at the seminary.”

Sehun nodded. “I am,” he lied. It was a sin. He’d ask for forgiveness later. “I must go see my father forthwith.”

“Of course,” he said and stepped aside. “I shall be looking forward to hearing you at the confessional soon, then.”

Sehun smiled. “Good evening, Brother Roland.”

“Good evening.”

With a rap on the door, Sehun entered his father’s room and spotted his father at his desk, inking parchments as his quill poised over them gracefully. It was a sight he had gotten so used to. He’d wait there in silence until his father decided to entertain him. It was no different ten years later.

His father turned around and rose from his seat a long moment later. “Son,” he said without a fuss. A small smile. “Welcome home.”

“Thank you, Father,” Sehun said, trying not to show his resentment in his voice. He crossed the room and took his father’s hand to kiss his signet ring. “How have you fared without my presence for so long, Father?”

His father chuckled, clapping a hand on Sehun’s shoulder. “My. You have grown taller than the last time I saw you.”

“I’m glad you think so, but I really haven’t, Father.”

“If I say you have, then you have.” Aye, that was the way things were in Vingaild. His father was _always_ right, even when he wasn’t.

 “Was your ride here comfortable?”

“Yes,” Sehun said. “Where is brother?”

“He is away to run some errands in Swadgilt. He will return in a fortnight.”

 _Oh, thank Lord_ , Sehun thought.

“You are in a great shape,” his father said, clasping his hands to Sehun’s arms. He gave them a squeeze, as though to appreciate the lean muscles Sehun had developed recently. “You will have all the decent ladies swooning over you in no time.”

“I thought you wanted me to serve the church, Father.”

Another chuckle. “Oh, yes. But there is still time for that. Have you lunched?”

“I haven’t.”

“Good. Lunch with me, then. And you can tell me all about your year at Evershall. And where you had gotten _that_ from.” He pointed at the fading scar on Sehun’s lip.

Embarrassed, Sehun said, “It’s nothing. Got it from a duel in combat class.” Another lie. God, at this rate, he might actually just go to Hell.

“I see.”

 

* * *

 

The food, Sehun had missed greatly. He kept his answers concise and conversationally unfriendly as he stuffed his cheeks with the creamy baked artichokes.

“These are divine,” he remarked and saw his father smirk. “Did you hire the King’s cook, Father?”

“She might as well be.”

“She is almost as good as…” Sehun trailed off, realizing what he had almost said. He was sure his brother would not tolerate praises towards pagans in his household. He was no longer sure about his father.

“I know,” his father said instead. “Indeed.” He put his fork down. “How is her son doing?”

Sehun stiffened in his seat, gawking at his father with widened eyes. “Do you mean… Taeyong?”

“Yes.”

“How did you…” Well, it was no surprise that everybody in Vingaild knew about the peasant boy who had managed to get into Evershall Academy. But the fact that Sehun’s father took interest in it all came as a shock. Then it dawned on him. “Father, was it your doing?” he gasped lightly. “The bursary from the church? And him sharing a room with _me_?”

His father was silent for a moment, and when that moment had passed, he said, “His family had been of great service to us for many years.”

“So, you are courting them to convert?”

“I need not to. I am doing them a favour.”

Sehun shut his mouth. Then he sighed. They ate in a strained silence thereon. Memories came flooding into Sehun’s mind. He forced them away. The last thing he needed now was the recollection of his childhood.

“Your Lordship.” A guard came forth. “The cordwainer from Madshire is here to see you. He and his rowdy brat are waiting at the gates, sir.”

Sehun completely froze. He then swallowed hard, staring at his father, who quickly wiped his mouth with a napkin and cleared his throat.

“Let them in. I will be down in a moment,” his father said. He then smiled at Sehun. “Speak of the Devil and He shall appear. And with them, I mean it quite literally.”

Sehun cringed. They weren’t the Devil, even though there was a time when Sehun wholeheartedly believed that all pagans were spawns of the Devil.

“Wait, Father,” he rasped, jolting up from his seat. “The cordwainer from Madshire?”

“I asked for his service. He will not refuse.”

Sehun blinked in bafflement for a length.

_… and his rowdy brat._

Kai.

_Oh, Jesus’ blood. Kai is here?!_

Sehun chugged down a mouthful of water so quickly that he almost choked and hurried after his father.

 

* * *

 

Kai was once again reminded of how poor he and his entire kind were as they edged closer to gates.

“Now, Kai,” his father called. Kai gripped the reins of his horse. “I would appreciate it if you could keep your fist to yourself.”

“I’ll try,” Kai gritted, glaring back at the guards, who were pinning him with the nastiest glower.

“Dismount, peasant!” one of them yelled in their way. Kai’s father obeyed at once.

“Kai,” his father chided when Kai did not budge.

Then, grinding his teeth, Kai climbed down Isolde.

“Keep your bloody eyes down when you greet His Lordship, you understand?” a guard flung at Kai.

“Understood,” his father replied instead. He then turned to Kai. “It’s best you wait for me here.”

“No,” Kai said. “I’m not letting you go in there alone.”

“The earl wouldn’t have summoned me here to hurt me, son,” his father said. “Be at peace.”

If only Kai could. It wasn’t just his father’s safety that Kai was agitated about. Taeyong was home. Which meant Sehun was, too. If he were home, did he know Kai was here? If he did, did he want to see Kai? If he did, would he come down to do so? And if he did, Kai wasn’t sure if he’d continue to breathe.

He wasn’t sure he was doing that _now._ Embarrassment left him flustered for a moment. He never should have come here. Taeyong could have gone with their father. He wasn’t a better swordsman or an archer than Kai. But he was surely good enough. Better than these poncy gits, no doubt.

What was Kai hoping for, anyway? He felt _really_ pathetic. Clinging onto the silvers hopes that Sehun had so heartlessly extinguished long ago, leaving Kai heartbroken, and just… _broken_.

A shattered heart no amount of cheap mead, ruthless hunting, endless self-destruction, fooling around with lads who’d do anything for a good time, could fix.

Anger wove through him like wildfire in the hottest day of summer then.

While here Sehun was, lounging away in a luxurious place peasants like Kai couldn’t easily reach.

“What are you glaring at, dog?!”

The earth quaked and a thunder roared. In his head. A pain like no other. It took Kai a moment to realize what had happened. When he did, his hands were already grappling at the guard’s neck. His vision blurred and the left side of his head that had taken the blow from the guard’s sword hilt twinged like a boulder had fallen upon it.

“Kai!” he heard his father’s voice as a mere echo along with the sound of his blood throbbing in his left ear. “Stop!”

Kai stopped before he planted his fist in the guard’s face. He released the guard and stumbled a step back.

“You dare raise your hands to me?!” the guard yapped and swung his sword.

“Enough!” came a familiar voice, commanding. Lord Grant’s stood with his shoulders squared and grey eyebrows drawn in a disapproving scowl. “I had summoned them here!”

The guards backed away from Kai at once. Kai tried to stop his head from spinning as he sucked in a string of shaky breaths at a weak attempt to regain his composure. No sign of Sehun.

Kai suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Was it the blow he had taken to the head? Or was it disappointment? Another rift to his already broken heart?

“Your Lordship,” Kai’s father greeted Lord Grant and bowed. He then beckoned Kai to do the same. Kai obeyed, just to please his father. And he wasn’t in the mood for a fight.

“It has been a while,” Lord Grant said in his diplomatic voice. “Come on inside. We have a lot to discuss.” About _shoes_. “Your son can take your horses to our stable for some rest. I believe he knows the way well enough.”

Kai gripped his fists. And then the horses’ reins.

The guards did not stop him as he reined the horses to the stable. He had spent a good amount of time in here tending to the wilful creatures as a child while waiting for his mother to end her shift at the kitchen.

“ _Your Lordship_ ,” Kai muttered to Isolde spitefully. The mare didn’t care. “Maybe he isn’t here. That’s good. Good on all parties.”

A stable boy shot up from where he was perched on and gawked at Kai, bewildered. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“No,” Kai answered sternly and dragged the horses into the stable. He was exhausted. And the left side of his head was throbbing. He could use a rest, too. He wasn’t sure how he possibly could rest here. Memories haunted him. Good ones and bad ones.

 

* * *

 

Hesitation halted him in place. Sehun could not do this. He could not walk back to the gravest sin he had committed. And he was already committing one, desiring to do it.

He stopped just outside the stable, short-winded. One more step closer and things might change forever. But he did not dare take that step. Not again.

Kai had a new horse. A grey one. A mare. The older horse in the other stall was Kai’s father, that Sehun recognized. He remembered riding it once or twice during his visits to Madshire. Then he remembered Kai’s mouth upon his own. And the heat of it.

His body was overcome by shame and longing alike. A culpability so large that no confessional could room. He wanted to sob. An emotion stronger than grief caught him in a whirlpool then.

Sehun never hated Taeyong. He hated the fact that he could never run away from Kai or the sins they had perpetrated together. Taeyong was a constant reminder of them in Evershall, Sehun’s one safe haven.

He was so close. So close that all that Sehun needed to do was advance a step and reach out for him. And Kai would be in his hands. Just as Sehun in his, writhing, yearning.

_You are no different!_

The words rang in his ears.

_No different than your people._

‘Your’ people…

_You’d stoop so low to lay with a peasant for a mere game and then toss him away when you realize once more that your mighty God forbids love._

_This isn’t love,_ Sehun remembered arguing with tears streaming down his cheeks, eyes begging Kai to not to come any closer. _This is abomination. This is damnation. This is sodomy. This is sin!_ he had cried.

Fear. Fear won the _game_ Kai had accused Sehun of playing.

 _A dangerous game you play,_ Kai had said with so much anger and sorrow. _You do not care who you kill in it. You are a master at making war, aren’t you? That’s what your God dictates._

 _Why do you keep saying_ my _God? He is your God, too!_

 _No. My God wouldn’t call what we had just done an_ abomination. _But if I am an abomination for loving you so, then by the Sweet Lady, I will be honoured to be the damnedest abomination to ever walk the earth._

Sehun stepped away from the stable having run out of breath. Blinking the tears away, he rested his head against the stable wall and clenched his fists. It was too painful. The accusations, the cruelty, the ruination of them both.

 _Am I the_ only _one to be faulted here?_

Kai’s question Sehun hadn’t answered.

Heartless bastard. Kai was a heartless sod, who had tricked Sehun in the name of friendship and taken his virtue, sending Sehun straight on the path to Hell.

Every waking moment was filled with dread. Sehun wanted to wash himself with holy water time and again until all the filth came off him. Filth he and Kai had created together. Filth Kai called _love_ and was proud of.

_Don’t leave me…_

Kai had begged. The prideful bastard had _begged_. For the first time in his life.

Then Sehun heard his own voice. _You’d kill me if you stopped._

He had meant every word back then. Oh, what sins he had taken the pleasure of committing. Even the sheer memory of it made him want to kneel down and pray for forgiveness.

He then thought of the story of Gracraes. _Sinner_.

He did not wish to share a fate with Gracraes. He beat a retreat to his room, where he collapsed on his bed and broke into a sob. Then he spent the rest of the afternoon on his knees.

 

* * *

_**Madshire** _

“Is it true?” Taeyong asked as soon as Kai entered the house. His father had withdrawn himself to the working shed to start working on the large order for the earl’s supper promptly.

“I understand that you are accustomed to using big and little words at the same time, but do be more precise about what you’re asking,” Kai retorted, poking around the kitchen for something to sup on. There was something boiling in the kettle, but he knew better than to get a taste of the content while his mother was away.

“You went to see the earl?” Taeyong asked, frowning.

“Yes,” Kai answered dully. “Why do you ask?”

His brother gnawed at his lip until it swelled. “What was it for?”

Kai cocked his eyebrows. “Why do you look so guilty?”

Taeyong took a moment to answer. “I was wondering if Sehun’s father had something to tell Dad about our… fights.”

“Fights,” Kai echoed, bemused. “That’s… interesting. Please, tell me you socked his plump rich arse for good.”

“Why do _you_ hate Sehun so?”

Kai didn’t. That was the problem. He _loved_ Sehun.

Even now. With an ailing heart.

“So, you’ve been fighting,” Kai said.

“ _He’s_ been fighting.” Taeyong rolled his eyes. “At every chance he gets.”

That maddened Kai. Taking out his anger towards Kai on his brother. How shallow could Sehun get?

“Who’s been fighting?” his mother asked when she entered the kitchen.

“No one,” Taeyong said quickly and hurried away, leaving Kai to do the rest of the lying.

His mother frowned. “What’s it? Has he been fighting or somethin’?”

“With his roommate,” Kai said quietly, deliberately not wanting to mention Sehun’s name.

His mother smiled slyly. “And that bothers you?”

“It doesn’t bother _you_?”

As his mother picked up a ladle to stir the stew in the kettle, Kai plumped unceremoniously in a chair and planted his head in his hands, gripping his hair. “I am not the one with a heart broken by that lad,” his mother said and Kai raised his head to gape at his mother in shock.

“Mum… I don’t… I don’t know… what you’re…” His voice broke.

She stopped stirring and faced the ground, frowning. “He is no good news for you or any of us. His father was kind enough to us.”

“Kind enough to fire you because you refused to take up their teachings.”

“He didn’t mean any harm.”

Kai scoffed. “Of course, he didn’t,” he said sardonically. “And neither did his wonderful son.”

It pained even to say that. He dropped his eyes before closing them.

“You followed that path yourself, Kai,” his mother chided. “You knew the consequences. You knew it wouldn’t bode well for you. And yet, you chose to twist your own fate and complicate everything.”

His heart hammered against his chest. He looked at his mother woefully. “How did you…”

His mother smiled lovingly as always. “I know my children well enough.”

Kai felt a sob fill his chest. “Mum…”

“Stop chasing after wild dreams, Kai,” she said. “The boy has good in his heart. But it isn’t big enough for peasants or pagans. He is who he is raised to be. ‘Bout time you go looking for a nice lass that could beget me some grandchildren.”

Kai laughed despite himself. “You ought to take that request to Yeri and Tae.” He rose to his feet and kissed his mother’s cheek. He paused. “Does Dad know?”

“About you liking blokes or about the earl’s son?”

“Both.”

“He doesn’t.”

Kai sighed. “Best if he doesn’t.”

 

* * *

 

 

The young lad had a funny look about him. He scowled at everyone, as though making them to be an enemy. Sehun watched him keenly. The boy had dark hair and matching dark eyes. He wore rags, like most of the serfs did. No, this lad was no serf. He was way too young to be one. He looked a little older than Sehun, but certainly not too old. Twelve at most.

“Young master,” a servant called when she caught Sehun sneaking into the kitchen for a closer look at the peculiar boy. “May I ask what you are looking for here?”

“Who is that?” Sehun asked, pointing at the odd lad. “I have never seen him here before.” And frankly, the lad looked like a fish out of water, like he was suffocating. What made him look so agitated, Sehun wondered. It was just a kitchen. Not a warzone.

“Oh. I believe that’s the head cook’s son.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. Either mischief or curiosity nudged him towards the lad. “You there,” he summoned. The lad turned his glaring gaze to him. Sehun cleared his throat and adjusted his cape by the shoulders. “Are you hungry? You look like a hungry wolf. You keep looking at the food.”

The lad was taller than him now that Sehun was standing close to him. Not that it mattered. He was still a peasant lad. And he gave Sehun no reply.

“Are you dumb?” Sehun asked. “Can’t you speak?”

That made the lad scowl harder. “I am not dumb,” he spat defensively.

“Oh, good.” Sehun crossed his arms over his chest and mustered the boy from head to toe. He was holding onto a shortbow and a quiver of poorly made arrows. Who even used them anymore? There were crossbows.

Sehun grabbed a shiny red apple from the counter and tossed it over to the lad, who caught it skilfully.

“Come with me,” Sehun said it like an order. The lad scowled again. “Let’s play.”

“Play?” the boy asked confusedly. “With… you?”

“Yes, with me.”

“But…” He frowned, scanning Sehun from top to toe now. “You are dressed so prettily.”

Sehun blinked. “What’s that supposed to mean? I am dressed impeccably.”

The lad scoffed. Sehun glowered, taking offence. “Of course, Your _Highness_. You are dressed im… impe…”

“Impeccably,” Sehun repeated.

“Impeccably,” the boy said, looking a little embarrassed.

“So, are you coming or not?” Sehun asked, turning his back to the lad. As he headed outside, he looked back to see the boy following. He smiled to himself. “What is your name?”

“Kai,” the lad supplied. “And yours?”

“Sehun.” He looked at the apple in Kai’s hand. “You can eat that.”

Kai hesitated. “It is… not mine.”

“I know. But it is a gift from me.”

“My father has told me not to take things from you folk.”

“Well, then,” Sehun sighed. “You give me something of yours and we’ll call it even.”

It apparently sounded like a good deal to Kai as he started looking for something in his pockets. He found nothing. He then drew an arrow from his quiver and handed it to Sehun. “I made it myself,” he said proudly.

“It looks atrocious,” Sehun said, accepting the arrow. “My father has smiths who could do a way better work.”

Kai took a bite of the apple and followed Sehun into the garden. “I am eleven!”

Sehun shrugged. He then smiled at the peasant lad. “I have wooden swords. Shall I go get them?”

Kai nodded eagerly.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Growing up, everyone had a voice in their head telling them that they weren’t good enough.

Well, Sehun’s was outside his head, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed over his chest, pinning him with a black, disparaging look.

He tried not to let his fingers tremble around the fletches of the arrow and bowstring. Although he kept his eyes on the fruit on the tree, his concentration was, unfortunately, all on the pair of dark eyes staring at the back of his head with demeaning criticism. Sehun almost wished that he hadn’t come here.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, shoot already,” Kai growled behind him, and Sehun released the arrow with a start. Of course, he missed the fruit.

He turned to see Kai smirking ungraciously at him. “I would have gotten it if you hadn’t rushed me!” Sehun yapped.

With a shrug, Kai pulled away from the tree and snatched the bow from Sehun’s hand. “Rushed or not, you weren’t going to get it.” All it took him was one blink of the eye to draw an arrow from the quiver, nock it, and shoot it. The velvet-skinned fruit dropped to the ground with a thud.

Sehun rolled his eyes. Such a show-off that tosser. Nothing more.

Kai picked the fruit up from the ground and gave it a lazy wipe on his tunic before sinking his teeth into its sweet flesh. “Snotty princesses like you can do better with that toothpick you’ve got there,” he said, jerking his chin at Sehun’s sword at his hip. “Why do you even want to wield a bow when you have villeins doing your bid?”

“I don’t have villeins,” Sehun said defensively. “My father does.”

Kai scoffed, approaching Sehun. His smirk was the worst. It could put the proudest man to shame. Sehun lowered his gaze. He was usually good at everything he tried. And he liked to believe that he was good with a bow, too. But he’d be nowhere near as good as Kai. Or Kai’s younger brother and sister.

“Same difference,” Kai muttered.

“At least I’m not a presumptuous braggart like you,” Sehun shot in Kai’s way.

Kai looked up at Sehun with an arched eyebrow and a baffled expression. “Either of those words better not mean arsehole,” he said, frowning.

Sehun laughed despite himself. “It means you are an arrogant show-off.”

Kai shook his head. “Why can’t you and Taeyong use simpler words?” He handed Sehun the torn fruit while he retrieved another arrow from the quiver.

Sehun considered fruit in his hand. The honey-coloured flesh for a moment, dripping with sugary nectar. He was tempted to press his mouth to where Kai had bitten it and savour the sweetness, and he immediately repudiated the thought upon realizing how absurd and perverse it sounded.

He had known Kai for what felt like forever. Almost a decade. He had seen Kai grow into this handsome, albeit crude, young man. Neither of them was a child anymore. And Kai… Well, Kai turned out to be more decent than Sehun had anticipated when they were younger.

Kai’s dark locks were always mussed, but they were beautiful nonetheless. Lanky he was but not scrawny. His body had developed lean muscles in the more recent years. And his sun-kissed skin gleamed as bronze. He smelled like the forest and the sands of Madshire, a scent Sehun often missed when he was back home in Vingaild.

Kai’s hands were callused and worn from wielding bows and nocking arrows. He was a free spirit. Unlike Sehun. Kai had nothing that held him back. No responsibilities, no religion, no father or brother who dictated every moment of his life.

There was once a time when Sehun believed Kai and his kind to be demons. Then he believed they were demon-worshippers. Then he realized he didn’t care. He did leave Kai out during confessions, though. He told himself that Kai wasn’t a _sin_ he needed to admit to.

He tossed the fruit aside when Kai handed him an arrow. “Try again,” he said.

Sehun would try as many times as it took him to be as skilled as Kai. He would love to see the look on Jaejoong’s face when he outdid him at something.

“Now, Your Lordship,” Kai said, taking his position behind Sehun. Except that this time, he remained close. Sehun hated it when Kai slighted him for being noble-bred. _Your Lordship, Princess, Your Majesty, Master Sehun._ All while he treated himself like he was nothing but a slave, a villein to Sehun.

Sehun knew that Kai was a peasant and that they had more differences than one could count. Maybe… he didn’t like the reminder of it.

“Nock your arrow,” Kai ordered. Sehun obeyed. He kept his focus on his bow this time. “Treat your arrow like it’s your breath.”

That was a new lesson.

Sehun wasn’t sure when Kai had turned into the patronizing party and Sehun was no longer the lad who could order Kai around. As children, they were different. Kai knew his place and he wouldn’t do anything to insult Sehun, a nobleman’s son. But as they grew older, Sehun became quieter, indulging Kai in any way the lad wanted. He would do anything to please Kai and to sustain his friendship.

“Feel your surroundings. The wind. The song. The light.” Kai’s voice was low. Sehun felt Kai’s warm breath on the nape of his neck. Sehun drew the arrow. The world seemed to quieten around him, save Kai’s ragged breathing.

Either excitement or agitation quickened Sehun’s heartbeat.

Kai stretched an arm from behind and curled his hand around the arch of the bow, just below where Sehun held it. He gently pulled at it, raising the bow. Sehun’s lips quivered. The wind softly rifled through his hair. He smelled the sweet nectar of the fruit in Kai’s breath that grazed his cheek.

“Release,” Kai whispered and Sehun, almost reflexively, released the bowstring along with a breath.

The arrow struck another fruit and freed it from its branch. Kai didn’t let go of the bow as they both watched the fruit fall to the ground with the arrow jutting through it.

“You are _astounding_ ,” Sehun exhaled in awe, and then felt Kai shudder against him before he quickly withdrew from Sehun, as though he had been scalded.

“I know I am, lad,” Kai said with a slight tremor in his voice. “It’s getting late. You should be on your way home.”

Sehun frowned disappointedly. “When can I see you again, then?”

Kai contemplated this. Then sighing, he said, “In a fortnight. I’m going away with my Dad to service the Baroness of Clampton. She is a shoe hoarder, I swear to the Lady.”

“In a fortnight,” Sehun repeated. They had gone without seeing each other for months’ time. A fortnight should be so bad. “Will you come see me in Vingaild when you’ve returned?”

Kai hesitated to answer. “No,” he said at length. “I won’t. Your guards almost had my head like a dog the last time I came there.”

“I’m sorry for that,” Sehun apologized for what seemed like the thousandth time. And he wouldn’t mind doing it for a thousand more if it meant Kai would forgive him. Sehun had been the one who had extended the invitation to Kai to tag along with his mother the next time she came to Vingaild. The guards hadn’t received the message. So, they had cudgelled Kai for trespassing. “I really am.”

Kai waved him off as he gathered his bow and quiver. “Exactly in a fortnight. At noon.” A promise. Kai always kept his promises.

Sehun finally smiled. “All right. Travel safe. God be with you and your father.”

Kai did not reply as he walked away with a grouchy glare, slinging the bow over his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Jaejoong took heavy but calculative steps. Sehun, on the other hand, had learned to exploit his brother’s unwise and deliberate depletion of energy. He kept his moves light to save himself the strength his brother was so carelessly exhausting. Sehun had learned to ply an archer’s steadiness and balance during fencing. He wasn’t a skilled archer like Kai. He was, however, a better swordsman. So, he applied whatever lessons he had learned about archery from his crass friend to his swordsmanship.

“You are getting better, little brother,” Jaejoong said, dodging a blow.

Sehun brandished his sword with a smile. “I am, aren’t I?”

His brother lunged at him and caught Sehun’s wrist before planting an elbow in Sehun’s nose. Staggering back, Sehun cupped his throbbing nose with his free hand and groaned.

“I would not get so insolent so fast, though,” said Jaejoong, a complacent smirk quirking his lips. “Growing to be a man quite quickly?” He unarmed Sehun with a merciless twist of his arm. “What is it? Found yourself a peasant girl to shag, haven’t you? Now I know that isn’t the only sword you’ve been whetting.”

Sehun froze for a moment, gawking at his brother’s uncalled for accusation. It didn’t sound like an accusation. It sounded like approval. A compliment even. It turned Sehun’s stomach. Not that he cared for any of his libertine, debauched brother’s approvals, and opinions. But the allegation embarrassed him. He reddened, wondering if that was what everyone, including his father, had been thinking of him.

“I have heard from my men about your frequent visits to Madshire lately,” Jaejoong said, sheathing his sword. Then throwing a heavy arm around Sehun’s shoulders, he knuckled a side of Sehun’s head. “You are making our father proud.”

“What lies have you been feeding him with, Jaejoong?” Sehun snarled, pulling away from his brother’s grip. “There is no peasant girl!”

Jaejoong laughed. Then shrugged. “If that’s the story you want to stick with, I’m afraid that ship has long sailed. How many are there?”

Sehun rolled his eyes and turned to the gallery, not wanting to hear any more of this claptrap.

“It is not a bad hobby, by the way,” his brother added, sauntering after Sehun. “You can always come to me for advices.”

“I do not need any advice from a man who sleeps with anything that wears a kirtle,” Sehun retorted and that earned him a merciless blow on the back of his head. He paused in his track as his eyes watered.

“You ought to get as many women as you can into your bed before you leave for Evershall next year. You won’t be getting any when you get there.” With that, his brother shoved past him and left.

Sehun rubbed his scalp, frowning. It was bad enough that Jaejoong knew about his visits to Madshire. Now he thought that Sehun was away romancing some peasant girls.

“Is he wrong?” Brother Roland asked from the gallery, as though he had heard Sehun’s thoughts.

Sehun wordlessly stared at him.

Brother Roland smiled. “Do you have a woman?”

This wasn’t a confession. Sehun tried to not to seem so anxious. “There isn’t,” he said, climbing the rest of the way up to the gallery. “My brother is a tossing sod, who doesn’t know what in the fucking world he’s talking about.”

It took Sehun a moment to realize that he hadn’t thought before speaking. Brother Roland looked at him with mild horror in his eyes. “Dear Lord, where did you learn to speak the language of heathens!”

Sehun bit his tongue.

“You _are_ seeing a peasant girl in Madshire, aren’t you?” Roland gasped. A peasant, yes. A girl, absolutely not.

“I am sorry. But I really am not seeing a girl in Madshire. The blades and books interest me more, Brother Roland.”

“As they should,” he said. “Do not follow your brother’s footsteps. He is a fine man but hardly a sensible one.”

Sehun smiled at that. “I’ll raise my cup to that.”

“Come to the confessional soon,” Roland said with concern.

Exhaling heavily, Sehun said, “You have nothing to worry, Brother Roland. I am not my brother.” It wasn’t a lie. While Jaejoong wooed and slept with all of the young lasses who worked in the manor, Sehun was holed up either in the library or the chapel. Apart from that, he was keen on fencing and, as bad as Kai claimed him to be at, archery.

 _It’s a young lad’s sport. Swords are meant for men,_ Sehun remembered his father saying when he had communicated his interest in it as a child after seeing how good Kai was with his bow.

Women and romances hadn’t intrigued him yet.

Brother Roland didn’t look convinced. But he let it go. “Walk with me. I have something to ask of you.”

Sehun bowed his head politely and followed. “What is it?”

They walked down to the courtyard. “Your father and I have been discussing about your future.”

Sehun blinked. “ _My_ future?”

“Aye,” he let out. “We are aware that you will be pursuing your studies in Evershall soon. But we were wondering if you would consider the monastery.”

Sehun almost pulled a face, appalled. But resisted and stared at Roland. “The monastery,” he echoed. “Father wants me to become a monk?”

“You are an intelligent lad. Evershall Academy is the place for you. But we do need more noblemen in the monasteries.”

His heart sank. He had been dreaming of practicing his scholarship at the Evershall Academy for as long as he could remember. He didn’t want to become a monk. His father knew that.

“I am aware that honing your erudition in a college like Evershall will be very rewarding. But not as rewarding as servicing Him and spreading his teachings. Especially, to cleanse Dornwich of paganism.”

He glanced to a servant with contempt and condescension. The servant didn’t raise her head as she continued to scrub the floor, though it was very obvious that she had heard Brother Roland’s comment for that her pale cheeks had crimsoned with either shame or anger. Kai would have planted a fist in Brother Roland’s stout cheek if he had been the one to receive such condemnation. The thought amused Sehun, he almost laughed. Then he silently begged the God for forgiveness for wanting to see a monastic bludgeoned.

“I’m sure it is,” Sehun replied dully. “I will consider the monastery. Perhaps after my mastership in Evershall, Brother Roland.”

The disappointment was clear in Roland’s face. “Very well.” He sighed.

Sehun took his leave with a bow and hurried to the kitchen for to grab something to appease the growling hunger in his stomach. His nose still hurt. But it wasn’t the worse pain Jaejoong had left him with.

Some of the cooks stilled, alerted, when Sehun ambled into the pantry. He smelled braised veal and butter baked pheasant. He found Sanha by the furnace, peeling artichokes. Her hair had more greys than it used to. Kai had her eyes. Not her patience.

She raised her head and greeted Sehun’s excited smile with a forlorn frown.

Sehun’s grin faltered. She looked upset. “Good morning,” he said, walking over to her.

The woman bowed her head to Sehun as she always did and said, “Good morning to you too, Master Sehun.” There was the usual kindness in her voice, along with despair.

“Are you all right, Sanha?” Sehun asked.

The cook looked up at him and mustered a smile. “Of course,” she lied.

Sehun had never seen her like this. Had something happened? To her? To her family? To Kai?

Dread washed over Sehun’s body. “Is everything… okay?”

She didn’t answer. Then she returned the peeled artichoke to the basket and took a deep breath. “You shan’t see my son no more.”

Sehun couldn’t meet her harsh eyes then. It felt as though a lightning had drilled through his head. He always knew Sanha had known about his friendship with Kai. But how much did she know? Did she know about their secret meetings to practise archery? Did she know about how often Kai visited Vingaild just to see Sehun?

“Sanha…” he started, voice breaking.

The woman huffed loudly. “You are a nice lad. And my son values your friendship. But we are not… your folk.”

Where was this coming from? Sehun gaped at her, frustrated. “I know that,” he said.

“Your father is replacing his servants with your people soon. Those who pray in chapels,” Sanha said. That was when the comprehension came to Sehun.

“What?” he spat. “He certainly can’t be thinking of replacing you.”

“I will work here no longer after this week.”

It hit him hard. _Cleanse Dornwich._ And his father was starting with his home.

“Sanha, I am so sorry,” he said, taking hold of her hand. “I had no idea.”

Kai’s mother frowned deeply. “A lord’s son shouldn’t be thick with a peasant’s either,” she said, retrieving her hand. “I beg you, please… don’t hurt my son.”

That was more than just a plea. Sehun could not understand. This was all very sudden and unbelievable. He understood that Sanha was upset over losing her job. But what did this have anything to do with him being friends with her son?

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I will talk to Father.” He would not listen, but Sehun would still try. It was the least he could do for a friend he cherished more than anything in this world.

Of course, this would have all been a lot easier if Kai and his family would just accept conversion. It wasn’t something Sehun would ask of Kai. Not again. He remembered the only time Sehun had mentioned it and he remembered coming home with a broken face.

Kai’s lovely sister, Yeri had joined them by the river that day. She remembered Sehun all too well, although they had only met once several years ago. She had complimented Sehun on how well-dressed he was and how “pretty” he looked.

Kai had snorted, of course. That tosser always had something to say when someone said something nice about Sehun.

Idle conversations had led Sehun into talking about how wonderful the churches in Vingaild were. And how merciful their God was. Kai was gripping his fists and jaw. “Not our God,” he had said offhandedly.

“What do you mean not your God?” Sehun shot back at him innocently. “He’s everybody’s God. You’ll see when you—” he was cut off by the back of Kai’s fist that slammed against his mouth and bled it.

Sehun hadn’t backed down either. He returned the favour, but before Kai could lunge at him again, Yeri stepped in between them. She berated Kai then for raising a hand to a nobleman’s son while Kai was a “dirty peasant”. Sehun had seen hurt and rage in Kai’s eyes then as he retreated and walked away from Sehun.

His sister had apologized on his behalf. “It frustrates him… and us that you can speak of such things just because you don’t roll on the mud with us… like us,” Yeri had said. “When we say such things, we’re condemned to death.”

Sehun would never forget the pangs of conscience that had killed him in that moment.

After lunch, he went to his father’s room to see if the man could spare his son some time to discuss about Sanha’s dismissal. But his father was not in.

With disappointment weighing him down yet again, he retreated to his room. He perched on the edge of his bed for a moment. In a week, he’d see Kai again. Excitement overtook resentment. He could never explain the exhilaration that addled his senses whenever he thought of riding to Madshire and seeing Kai. He was the only friend Sehun had held onto over the years.

He glanced at the bedside drawer and grinned to himself like an idiot. Reaching for it, he extracted the old, poorly fletched arrow and ran his thumb along its spine. The arrow Kai had traded for an apple on their first meeting.

The desirable ache in Sehun’s chest was inconceivable. He neither understood the pleasurable pain nor unwelcomed it. Did Kai even remember giving this to Sehun? Did he know that Sehun possessed and treasured something of his? It would be amusing to see the look on Kai’s face if Sehun brought the arrow to him.

Better yet…

Sehun jumped up to his feet and ran down to the smith’s quarters.

 

* * *

 

“Dad, you’re back!” Yeri cried as she burst out of the cottage and ran into her father’s arms.

Picking her up from the ground, her father pecked her on her cheek and chuckled. “Has my dearest daughter missed me?”

“And your dearest wife,” their mother said, approaching her husband with a loving smile. Lowering Yeri to the ground, he swept his wife into his arms and kissed her tenderly.

Kai looked away, taking the reins of his jennet.

“How was Clampton?” his mother inquired.

“Uppity as ever,” was Kai’s scornful answer. It made his sister laugh at least.

“Take them away,” his father ordered, handing Kai the reins to his horse.

“Be quick. We must sup together,” his mother said. “I have… news.”

 _What news_ , Kai wondered. Did someone in Madshire die on the account of the guards? Or was it some gossip from Vingaild? He tied Mollie and his father’s horse before feeding them. Once he had made sure they were resting, he went inside.

He found Taeyong on the loft with his nose buried in his books as usual. Books their mother borrowed from the Vingaild library on the courtesy of Lord Grant. Kai was certain that even Sehun didn’t read as much as Taeyong did.

“What are you reading now?” he asked as he removed his sweaty tunic and discarded it on the floor.

Taeyong did not answer immediately. And when he did, he didn’t look up from the book. “It won’t help you much,” he said and Kai rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“Unless it’s about how to court lasses and tilt into them, it won’t help you any either.”

Taeyong lifted his gaze to lour at Kai. “You speak a lot of lasses these days. Is that what you’ve been up to lately? In the woods?”

Kai froze with his hands tangled in the sleeves of his only other tunic. “What in the Lady’s name are you on about?” he spat, pulling the tunic on.

Taeyong sat up straighter and smirked at his brother. “Yeri tells me that you’re away with a friend.” Damn that lass never knew how to keep her mouth shut. “Is this friend a girl? Does she have pretty eyes? Nice hair? Svelte body?” Kai didn’t know what the word meant, but he assumed it wasn’t anything nasty. “Is she also a peasant or are you servicing a well-off woman? Yeri refuses to divulge anything more. Are you just courting her, or have you already lain with her? Does Mum know? Do you think she’d like her?”

Kai couldn’t move. He couldn’t even think. He had never heard his younger brother talk so much at once. His ears buzzed. _Are you just courting her, or have you already lain with her?_ What foolishness!

Sehun. He went to the woods to see Sehun. Sehun was no lass. And he was certainly not a lover!

Kai plumped on the pallet and planted his head in his hands. “You have gone mad,” he let out.

“Is your friend beautiful?” Taeyong questioned with humour in his light tone.

Kai raised his head from his hands and blinked at his brother. He licked his lips, lowered his eyes and thought of Sehun’s smile. A smile that could bring anyone to their knees. Murderous. Treacherous. Beautiful bastard.

“Yes,” he answered in a very low whisper. Yes, his friend was beautiful. So damn beautiful that looking at him tormented Kai. Touching his skin cut Kai. Breathing the wonderful smell of his skin suffocated Kai.

Taeyong scooted closer eagerly. He was so young, so naïve. So ambitious. Kai wished Taeyong wasn’t so complicated. While he and Yeri asked their father for the hard toffee from the candy shop, Taeyong was asking for a quill and an ink bottle. Neither they could afford easily.

“Tell me more,” Taeyong rasped. “Pretty eyes?”

Kai’s mouth went dry. Brown, eager eyes, glimmering under the sun, always ready for an adventure. Every time they turned to Kai, he was grateful. Grateful because they were willing to even _look_ at a worthless peasant like him. Then he was in a torturous agony when he realized they weren’t just _looking_ , they were _seeing_ him. Watching him. And behind those eyes, he saw someone who treated him like an equal.

“Yes.” Another whisper. Pretty eyes.

It felt like an act. Kai never trusted Sehun. And he never would. Sehun was, after all, noble-bred and a Christian. He was raised to scorn Kai’s kind. And if one of Sehun’s own uncovered his secret rendezvous with a peasant lad, it would be the end of Kai. It was too big a price to pay for a friendship with a noble.

He knew it all and yet, he couldn’t turn away from it, from Sehun. Or his adrenalizing gaze that sent Kai’s heart aflutter.

It was unfair. So unfair that Kai felt such things and all that Sehun felt was the love for his God. The God who was keeping Sehun from Kai, his filth, and from realizing his deviant and depraved fantasies.

What was happening to him? Why was he even having such fantasies? He should be hating Sehun. That was the plan. Not… this. Whatever this was.

His journey to and from Clampton had been agonizing with his every thought governed by Sehun. By the gentle hands that curled around Kai’s bow. By the rosy lips that parted in concentration. By the delicate fingers that Kai wished would card through his own hair.

That day, the last time Kai had seen Sehun. He couldn’t forget the heat of Sehun’s body against his own. Or the way Sehun had looked at the ruined fruit Kai had handed him after taking a bite. Whether he was aware of it or not, Sehun really was testing Kai’s self-restraint. Kai usually had none but around Sehun, he needed to be on his guard every single moment. If he so much as faltered once, he would take Sehun and taint that unblemished, virgin skin like mud besmirching freshly fallen snow.

But that wasn’t all. Sehun was killing him. Every thought of him was killing Kai. It wasn’t just the body Kai wanted anymore. He wanted Sehun. All of him.

 _Absurdity_ was the first word that came into his mind at that thought. A funny sounding word he had learned from his brother quite recently. It simply meant stupidity. And what was more stupid than a peasant pagan wanting a noble-bred Christian?

It was like Kai _didn’t_ want himself to be happy… Letting his feelings chase after Sehun’s like that. What a cruel joke this was…

“Nice hair?” Taeyong asked.

Kai laughed to himself, shaking his head. “Silkiest of all,” he said.

“Then must be a highborn lass.”

“Get back to your books, lad,” Kai said and rose to his feet, tousling his brother’s hair.

“I must meet her one day!”

Without a reply, Kai headed down to the kitchen, where he joined his mother and father.

“There must be some other way we’d make the money,” he heard his father say.

“What’s going on?” Kai asked, eyebrows knitting together in worry. His mother’s doleful eyes looked up at him.

“Your mother is being dismissed from the earl’s household,” said his father, rubbing his wrinkled forehead, as though to wipe away the creases of concern.

Kai fell silent for a moment, unsure of what to make of this. He then draped an arm around his mother’s bony shoulders and kissed her temple. “It is all right,” he said. “I will find a job very soon.”

“You don’t understand, Kai,” his father said. “The nobles are laying off the dissidents and pagans. What makes you think we’d get a job?”

Rage rose in his Kai’s chest. “He is dismissing you for not being one of them?” he asked his mother, who remained despondently quiet. “You have worked there for so many years, Mum. How could he just—”

“We will speak no more of this,” his father quickly cut him off. Kai balled his hands into fists to stop them from trembling. This was atrocious. How could Lord Grant do this? How could _Sehun_ let this happen?! He of all people knew that Kai’s entire family would starve if they depended on just the sparse money that came from Kai’s father’s trade. He knew better than anybody that this was their living!

But then again, _why_ should Sehun care? He was one of them. Kai was just his hobby. He wouldn’t go against his father even if he wanted to now, would he? Kai couldn’t believe that he harboured such convoluted and unspeakable feelings for that selfish, highborn prat.

If his father could throw away a woman who had served him and his family for years without second thoughts, who was to say that his son wouldn’t do the same to Kai?

 He turned his back to his parents, grabbed his bow and quiver, and stomped out.

“Where are you going? You just returned,” his mother called after him.

“Let him go,” his father said, sighing. “He would be no good in here breaking the pots and pans in anger. Might as well be the branches and barks in the woods.”

 

* * *

 

“You cannot live out here forever,” Kai heard Yeri’s voice before he saw her, although he had known that she was here for a while now. She was still very young, and her footsteps were careless as Sehun’s.

“I know,” he muttered, sharpening the arrow’s tip with his dagger. His sister exhaled heavily and took her seat on the ground beside Kai.

Leaning against the same tree, she said, “For someone who hates the forests in Madshire, you sure do spend a lot of time here.”

Kai lowered the arrow and dagger. “It’s quiet here. Free of the Christian sods.”

“Don’t call them that,” Yeri said. “Father said not all of them are bad.”

“But you cannot deny all of them want _us_ dead, Yeri,” he said and immediately regretted when he saw the horror in his sister’s eyes.

“Not your friend, though,” she said after a while, smiling.

Kai clenched his jaw. “I’m not sure he _is_ my friend.”

“What else could he be? He rides all the way here just to see you.”

“His father dismissed our mother and cares nothing for us.”

“You cannot say the same about his son.”

“Yes, I can. Even if he doesn’t take after his old man, look at the society he was born and raised into. We are mucks and grits that stick to his boots, Yeri. He will soon realize that and when he does, my fate will be no different than Mum’s.”

Yeri rests her head on Kai’s shoulder and hums a tune. “I like him.”

Kai shuddered. “You better not.”

He wasn’t sure where that had come from. But a green-eyed monster began to claw at his guts. And he instantly felt petty for it. _Look at what you’ve stooped to. Jealous of your baby sister…_

“Come home,” she then implored, lifting her head off Kai’s shoulder.

Not now. He still had a promise to keep. He looked up at the sky. The sun hadn’t reached its highest point. “You go home,” he told his sister. “I will be there before sunset.”

Yeri did not protest as she rose to her feet after giving her brother a kiss on the cheek and returned home.

Kai dropped his head back against the tree. He wasn’t ready to face Sehun. He never was ever since he realized that he was pretending to find Sehun intolerable just so that he could cope with his own self-loathing. If only Sehun was a peasant boy. If only Sehun would be willing to give his heart to blokes. In a more perfect world, if only Sehun didn’t already own Kai’s heart.

So, he decided to not wait anymore. What was he hoping for even? His mother no longer worked for Sehun’s father. And though the earl owned some of the shoes Kai’s father had made him, they no longer had connections. Kai would be better off shifting his attention to the lads in Madshire rather than pining for someone he could never have.

He stood up and took off, hoping that Sehun would come here and would return home with disappointment and sorrow, just as Kai was. Promises were meant to be broken, anyway.

 

* * *

 

Nine days. Sehun rode to Madshire every noon for the past nine days. Kai had said that he’d be back in a fortnight. But every time Sehun went to the forest near the river, he never found Kai.

On the tenth day, Sehun decided to give it a rest as he retreated to the library in the afternoon.

“Ah, here he is,” Jaejoong chimed in the hallway. At his side, their father was staring at Sehun. “He has been riding to Madshire rather frequently these days.”

“Has he now?” Sehun’s father mused, cocking an eyebrow.

“Father,” Sehun said, bowing his head. Travelling to Madshire every day for the past week hadn’t left him much time to do anything at home. “Do you need me for something or can I be dismissed to pay the library a visit?”

“No,” his father said stoutly. “Since you will be inevitably going to Madshire again today, I have an errand for you to run.”

Sehun’s guts knotted. He looked daggers at his tattling brother. “I am not going there today, Father,” he said.

“Do not lie to me, son,” his father said. “Jaejoong has been telling me of your trysts in Madshire. Whoever this peasant girl is, keep her away from your bed in Vingaild and from Brother Roland’s ears.”

Sehun opened his mouth to protest. But then fell silent. It was better that they thought there was some lass he was tilting into in Madshire. It was the perfect excuse to visit Madshire. Jaejoong would eventually tire of his curiosity.

“I will send a guard with you today, however. So, your tryst has to be put on hold until the errand has been run,” his father added. “It would seem rather rude of me to just send a guard to summon Sanha here. So, you should go.”

Sehun almost swallowed his tongue and choked. “What?” he rasped.

“He’s deaf, too,” Jaejoong snorted at his side. “Father wants her recipes.”

Sehun grimaced. “You cannot just demand her recipes.”

“Well, I can,” his father said. “They live on my land. They will do my bidding.”

Somehow, Kai’s voice echoed in his head.

“Why can’t he go?” Sehun asked, gesturing at his brother.

“Because there are other matters that require my attention,” Jaejoong said.

“Such as what? The new maid in the kitchen?”

“Why you little—”

“Enough,” their father chided, holding Jaejoong back by the arm. “Sehun, bring the cook here or her recipes. I don’t care which you choose. But get it done.” He drew a sealed letter. “And deliver her this missive.”

Jaejoong smirked at Sehun as he accepted the missive from his father. Not only was Sehun reduced to an errand boy while his brother was second-in-command in the manor, he was also now a messenger. Sehun let this one slide, however. He got to see Kai and pay his house a visit. With his father’s approval. He could be jumping in happiness right now.

Sehun frowned at the carpet on the floor. He’d been friends with Kai for so long. And his mother had served his family for many years until she was quite recently dismissed despite his efforts to prevent it. But never had Sehun been to Kai’s home. He wasn’t sure how welcome he’d be there.

Kai had invited Sehun back to his cottage once when they were kids. Sehun’s reply had stopped Kai from doing it again. _I cannot. I don’t belong there._

 

* * *

 

“Can you give me a hand?” Kai grunted at Taeyong, who was perched on the ring of the well with a book in his hand. “Taeyong!”

Groaning furiously, Taeyong jumped off the well and strode over to Kai. He gripped one end of the rope while Kai secured it around the pole of the horse shed.

Once he was done, Kai rolled his shoulder with his face twisted in discomfort. “I think I pulled a muscle,” he said, stretching his right arm out.

“Perhaps you injured your biceps tendonitis,” Taeyong muttered like it was supposed to mean something.

Kai grimaced. Taeyong sounded more and more like Sehun every day. Not that it was a bad thing. Kai missed Sehun. Listening to Taeyong’s clever-sounding rambles made him miss Sehun less.

Jokes apart, he fought to keep Sehun out of his mind. Even his dreams were haunted by the poncy git. And the dreams often left Kai with a hard knob in his pants, which he struggled to ease in the dead of the night without making any noise that would wake his siblings.

He’d think of Sehun’s mouth. The perfect curves of the corners of his lips. Wrapped beautifully around him. Just the thought of it made him hard midday as the sun scorched the earth.

Drawing some water from the well, Kai took his tunic off and bathed his upper body, leaving his pants on and to get soaked. He didn’t care, he needed the cold water to stop the erection that was taking form in his pants.

“Are you all right?” Taeyong asked mockingly. “You’re bathing in the middle of the day.”

“Just get back to your book, lad,” Kai said, running a hand through his wet hair. At least the water took care of the knob.

As he reached for his tunic again, he heard and felt the hooves beat on the ground. Two horses came into sight. One of them Kai recognized almost immediately. Its rider, as beautiful as ever, had a wide smile upon his face. Like he had found the treasure at the end of a rainbow when his eyes found Kai by the well. The smile knocked all wind out of Kai’s lungs. His lips parted involuntarily. The water could no longer help his wild thoughts. All of him wanted to lunge at Sehun, haul the bastard down the horse and smother him in an embrace that would lead to many other adventures.

Behind Sehun followed a guard. A dog to cater to Sehun and his father’s every whim. That was when Kai snapped out of his trancelike state.

Taeyong tensed at Kai’s side. “What are they… doing here?” he exhaled nervously. Kai kept mum, gritting his teeth as Sehun and his guard reined their horses to a stop.

“Kai,” Sehun mouthed inaudibly as he dismounted. He started towards Kai with that _unbelievable_ smile that could buckle Kai’s knees. Did the bloody sod even know how much power he had over Kai? Did he ever bother to find out? Or was he just far too busy with the Almighty to be thinking about another lad?

The thought directed Kai towards another. _Oh, how much I’d love to battle his God so that Sehun’d be on his knees for me all night and not for Him…_

He met Sehun’s smile with a grim lour.

Sehun stopped in his track upon acknowledging it and his smile waned. His gaze then slowly travelled down Kai’s unclothed and wet body, eyes wilfully following the water rivulets that dribbled down Kai’s chest.

“Master Sehun?” Kai’s mother gasped, walking out of the cottage to greet Sehun with a bow. “What could possibly bring you here?!” She then glanced at the guard, horrified.

Sehun turned his worried smile to her instead. “Good afternoon,” he said.

“And good afternoon to you,” she muttered concernedly, her eyes darting back and forth from Sehun to the guard.

“I am here on my father’s orders,” Sehun said. “He is, too,” he added, looking back at the guard, who was fixing everyone with a scornful look.

“His Lordship has sent you here?”

“Yes. He requires that I deliver you this,” he said and held out a folded letter. “and he has another request of you.” This he added shamefaced.

Kai’s mother looked confused as she probed the sealed letter. “How ungracious of me,” she then said, smiling. “Please, I hope you’d stay to lunch with me and my family.”

Sehun instantly brightened up like a star on a cloudless night. “I would love to, Sanha! I thank you for your invitation.” He turned back to his guard briefly. “You may get some rest. I will summon you when we’re ready to leave.”

The guard was reluctant, but he did not argue as he bowed and took his leave.

“Come inside, Master Sehun,” Kai’s mother offered, and Sehun immediately obliged. He only spared Kai one look before he disappeared into the cottage.

Finally, Kai breathed again, not knowing that he had been holding his breath the entire time. He leaned against the edge of the well and scrubbed his face.

“Am I dreaming or did a nobleman’s son just agreed to sup with us?” Taeyong let out in astonishment.

Oh, how Kai wished Taeyong was dreaming.

 

* * *

 

“My husband and daughter are away,” Sanha informed him as she guided him through the cottage. It smaller than Sehun had thought it would be. How did five people live in a small space like this?

“I ought to apologize,” he said awkwardly, glancing around the cottage. Small or not, it was cosy and warm. Hand-sewn cushions and pallets were everywhere. “for not succeeding in convincing my father to keep you at the manor.”

“No, no,” she said. “Do not be. I am glad that you even tried at all. It is more than what your people had done for me.”

Sehun bit his tongue. “It smells fantastic,” he commented, looking at the soup boiling in the kettle.

“It would taste just the same,” she replied with a smile. “Please, sit. Make yourself as comfortable as you could in this shell.”

Sehun sank in one of the pallets and looked up at the loft. Did Kai sleep up there? He was overcome by the foolish urge to see what Kai’s bed looked like.

And thinking of Kai… He most certainly did not look happy seeing Sehun. It was like a knife to the heart. He had hoped for Kai to be just excited as he was in meeting again. But he supposed things had changed now. Did Kai deliberately not come to the forest where they usually met? Was he avoiding Sehun on purpose? Was he thinking that since his mother no longer worked for Sehun’s father, he had no ties with Sehun anymore?

If he were, then there was nothing more painful than that.

“Hullo,” the lad said when he entered the cottage. It was Kai’s younger brother. He was Sehun’s age, according to the information Kai had supplied him. He was a bookworm. And Kai believed that his brother was the smartest lad in all of Madshire. Sehun hadn’t remembered. If he had, he would have brought the lad some books of his own.

“Good afternoon,” Sehun said. “You must be Taeyong.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “I am. How did you… know?” He glanced to his mother. “You’ve spoken about me?”

“To him, as far as my memory allows,” his mother replied.

“No, your brother told me,” Sehun said.

Taeyong’s face scrunched up in confusion. “Kai? You know him, too?”

“He’s been to Vingaild plenty of times. I’m sure they’ve met,” Sanha interfered before Sehun could answer. She then pinned Sehun with a knowing look.

_Don’t hurt my son._

Sehun lowered his head.

“It is a pleasure meeting you, Master Sehun,” Taeyong said.

“Just ‘Sehun’ would suffice.” Sehun smiled. His face quickly paled as blood drained from his cheeks when Kai joined them, still without a tunic on. His hair was damp and sticking to his nape. There was a scowl playing ferociously on his eyebrows. And Sehun couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering to the scars on Kai’s body. His throat felt suddenly parched and he knew the unsparing climate wasn’t to be blamed.

He only tore his gaze away from Kai’s toned body when he found Kai staring him down.

“You do like potatoes, don’t you?” Sanha asked.

“I do,” Sehun replied, keeping his head low. He knew Kai was glaring at him now. Why, though? What had he done to madden Kai?

“Your father had sent you all the way here to deliver this?” Sanha muttered, eyeing the letter in the pouch of her kirtle.

Sehun swallowed hard. “Not only for that,” he said quietly. “He… asked for your recipes. The ones you’ve used to cook for us all these years.”

Sanha gave him a look that burned him. “So that he could give them to his new cooks?”

“Yes.”

She sighed. “Of course… I will have my youngest son write them up for you if you’re willing to wait.”

“I cannot wait. But my guard will. You could hand them to him.”

“Get up,” Kai then spoke for the first time. Sehun brought his head up to look at him with a puzzled frown.

“Kai,” his mother began.

“Get up, get your guard dog, and leave.” Every word, an order, a spell of rage. It took Sehun aback and tossed him over his senses.

He rose to his full height and met Kai’s eyes with confusion and sadness. “Kai—” His voice came out as a whisper.

“You cannot march your pretty arse in here and _command_ my mother.”

Sehun’s heart sank. With great pain. “Kai, I didn’t mean to—”

“Well, you never do, do you?!” Kai roared and Sehun took a step back, eyes wide with shock and terror. “Because you’re such a clueless little git with your highfalutin nobleman attitude. You’d come into our house, stomp all over us, order us around, and then leave us as victims in your games. And then you play the innocent piece.”

Sehun’s eyes watered. “Why are you talking like this?” His voice was small, it tremored.

Kai lurched forward and grabbed Sehun by the collar of his cape. “What do you take me for, Sehun of Vingaild?” he spat through his grit teeth. “I am not one of your villeins and neither is my mother anymore. You can't come as you please, take what belongs to us, and crush us in the process.”

“Stop it,” Sehun pleaded, tears almost betraying his eyes.

“Kai, that’s enough,” his mother barked, yanking Kai away from Sehun. Kai did not avert his vicious glare from Sehun.

A sick feeling in his belly sank deeper. Sehun wanted to run out of there. He couldn’t move.

“Look, _Your Lordship_ ,” Kai spat like venom. “There’s _your_ people, then there’s _mine_. It’s best if you don’t try to mix the two. You do not get to eat off my mother’s hand while your father had treated us with nothing but contempt and bigotry. You do not get to put up your callow act here.”

“When have I ever—” Sehun tried starting again, his voice hollow and flat. But Kai wasn’t having any of it.

“You came in here and _ordered_ my mother to do this and that. Because your father told you so.”

“Merciful Jesus. I did not—”

“Save it and get out of here.”

He did not even allow Sehun to catch his breath.

Blinking the tears away, Sehun dropped his head. “You are being unfair, Kai,” he let out in a shaky breath.

“Oh, yes? Welcome to my life, _Sir_ Sehun.”

“Kai, you have said more than enough,” Sanha said, pushing her son back. “This isn’t how we are. If we behave like them, then we have no difference.”

“Mum, you cannot seriously nod your head to all of this!” Kai yelled at her. “If we keep showing our throat, they’d keep slicing it!”

Sehun was sick of the accusations. Worse, they came from Kai’s lips.

“You need to go,” Sanha said, but not to Sehun. Kai frowned at her. “Go and cool off. I will be fine.”

Kai looked over his mother shoulder once and glowered at Sehun. Then with a lockjaw, he stormed out of the cottage.

Sehun clenched his eyes and drew in a few deep breaths, trying to digest everything that had just happened. Kai had always been harsh on him. He had never been as kind as a friend should. But this was something else. This… this was real. This was not an act. He truly hated Sehun and Sehun knew it wasn’t just because he was a noble’s son.

“I apologize,” Sanha said. Taeyong behind her was rubbernecking at them. “If you knew my son, I’d wager you’ve already known his temper. Especially, when it comes to… your people.”

Sehun was sick of hearing that, too. _His_ people. _Their_ people. _Kai_ was his people. Why couldn’t Kai see that?

“I should go,” he muttered under his breath and started towards the door.

“But not after him,” Kai’s mother said quietly.

Sehun paused. He closed his eyes momentarily. “I have to.”

“Please, do not,” she said. “You shouldn’t.”

Sehun did not understand why she was forbidding him. But he was not going to listen. He needed answers and an apology from Kai. How could he be so heartless? How could he say such things after all those years of friendship with Sehun?

Why must he always regard Sehun like he meant nothing to him? As if Sehun was just another noble, who tried to tyrannize him and his people. As if Sehun was the enemy…

 

* * *

 

His went where his feet took him, where his heart drew him. And he found himself standing on the riverbank, staring at the violent current.

_You are being unfair, Kai._

Kai groaned and hurled the pebble into the water and watched it sink before it was washed away by the current. He hated himself. He hated Sehun. He hated the fact that he could wanted something he could not have and that he knew that, and he still wanted it so bad.

 Sehun was either a master at playing with his heart or he was really just that naïve.

Kai would never forget the day Sehun had refused to step foot into the cottage because… he thought he didn’t belong there. And today, all of a sudden, he had decided to not only barge into Kai’s home with his father’s guard dog but also lorded Kai’s mother over. Wasn’t it enough that she was expelled from Sehun’s household for being a pagan? Wasn’t it enough that both his parents, and his people, had served the nobles at their feet for all their lives?

If he were really that enraged with grievances, why couldn’t he stop brooding over Sehun’s glassy eyes and culpable gaze? Why was he worried that he had just ended a friendship he wished would bloom into something more?

“What did I ever do to you?”

Kai closed his eyes when he heard the voice against the beat of the river. He sucked in a breath. Turned. Met Sehun’s crestfallen expression. The boy had completely paled, eyes gleaming with misery.

“A fair question, _Your Lordship_ ,” he scoffed, trying to hide his own misery.

Sehun scowled then. “Stop!” he yapped, taking a step forward. “Stop calling me that!”

After years and years of such taunts, Sehun finally couldn’t take it anymore? Had it always bothered him? Kai said it to bother him, anyway.

“Stop calling you what you are?” Kai said. “I’m sorry. But my kind isn’t the master of cant and false virtue.”

“Stop that too!” Sehun said. “Stop belittling me and my _kind_.”

“Is that an order, Your Highness?”

He lunged at Kai then and grabbed Kai by the tunic. Kai stared into Sehun’s furious red eyes. Then he dropped his gaze to Sehun’s panting mouth. Too close. They were too close.

“I don’t understand,” Sehun mewled, tears welled up in his eyes. “Why are you doing this? You know I had no hand to play in your mother’s dismissal. I even tried talking to my father.”

“If you think that’s what this is about, then I haven’t met a greater fool than you,” Kai spat and gripped his hands around Sehun’s wrists. “What are you even doing here, Sehun? What do you want from me? Surely you can find other _slaves_ to fulfil your leisure pursuits with.”

Sehun’s hands loosened around Kai’s tunic, but he didn’t them pull them away from Kai’s chest as Kai kept his grip on his wrists. “Is that you what you believe you are? A… _slave_ for my avocation?”

“Fancy words don’t change the gist, do they?”

Sehun looked miserable. “You are my… friend, Kai… Have you ever looked at me the same way?”

 _Not since you turned 16,_ Kai thought to say.

On the one hand, he wanted to drive a fist into Sehun’s skull. And on the other, he wanted to kiss Sehun so hard that Sehun would forget his own name.

“You are cruel,” Sehun whimpered as Kai slowly freed his wrists. “Do you really think of me so low?”

“All you nobles are the same.” This was simpler. This would save Kai a heartache he wasn’t sure he was ready to endure.

Sehun then pulled a strip of leather from his pocket and held it up. It held a small wooden amulet that looked like an arrowhead. Kai blinked at it and then at Sehun.

“You do not recall this, do you?” Sehun let out. “You gave it to me on the first day we met.”

Kai had no recollection of it. Or their first meeting, for that matter.

“You had fletched the arrow yourself,” Sehun said, holding the necklet out to Kai. “I had this made for… you.”

Kai wrenched it from Sehun’s hand and lobbed it away towards the river. Sehun gasped. “Spare me your sentimental—” He didn’t get to finish as Sehun’s fist struck a side of his face, sending him staggering back.

“Oh, fuck,” Kai cursed under his breath, cupping his throbbing jaw as he straightened up.

“You are a sodding moron, Kai!” Sehun cried ferociously and threw another fist in Kai’s way. This, Kai dodged. He then retaliated with a fist of his own. The punch left Sehun woozy for a moment.

Surprisingly, Sehun didn’t go for his sword. He never did whenever they brawled. But that didn’t mean he was an easy opponent to brawl with.

He vaulted over and pummelled Kai on the face without a rest, forcing Kai back. Soon, they were grappling each other on the shore of the river. Kai hooked an arm around Sehun’s neck and dragged him down before Sehun countered the attack with an elbow to Kai’s guts. Losing his footing, Kai stumbled back and fell into the water, yanking Sehun down with him.

They grunted and groaned, fighting not only with each other but also against the current now. Soaked from head to toe, Kai rose to his feet and grabbed Sehun’s tunic collar before hauling him up. He then threw another punch onto Sehun’s face before drawing him out to the shore.

Sehun didn’t stop struggling. He twisted in Kai’s grip and attempted to knee Kai in the stomach. They staggered together with slippery footsteps and river water dripping down their faces. When Sehun slipped and tumbled to the grass, he dragged Kai with him. They fell on top of each other, limbs tangled, and they sobbed for air.

Kai pinned Sehun to the ground and caught Sehun’s hands together, straddling Sehun’s hips. Then he locked Sehun’s hands on top of his head with one hand while the other drew the dagger from his boot.

Sehun yielded and stopped struggling as Kai held the dagger to his throat.

The wind calmed with them. The forest quieted. The river no longer mattered. Their ragged breaths were all that Kai heard. Below him, trapped and helpless, Sehun surrendered with tears trickling down the corners of his eyes. Kai didn’t loosen his grip on Sehun’s hands that were pinned to the grass. And he didn’t withdraw the dagger from Sehun’s throat.

He mustered the water beads on Sehun’s unblemished neck. His eyes ventured lower to Sehun’s chest and the pinked nipples that showed through Sehun’s now thoroughly wet white tunic. The blooming bruise on Sehun’s fair neck made Kai’s mouth water.

This was bad. He wouldn’t survive this. He wasn’t sure he wanted to anymore. He wanted to give in to his dark desires. He wanted to ruin Sehun as much as Sehun had ruined him.

He started to lean towards those plump lips that were begging for air. He’d lose Sehun forever if he did this. It didn’t matter anymore.

 

* * *

 

They panted in symphonic choreography. The laces of Kai’s tunic had come undone. Sehun briefly looked away from Kai’s stormy eyes to leer at the drops of water rolling down the sternum of Kai’s chest. Oh, God. He’d be damned to find a lad so excruciatingly beautiful. And it was just not some lad. It was Kai.

He’d seen countless nobles’ sons and daughters. None had made his heard flit so. The pain was surprisingly pleasing. It took Sehun’s breath away. Kai always did. But he wasn’t holding a bow right now. It was just… him. And Sehun couldn’t look away.

Kai must have knocked his head pretty good. Sehun was certain that he was completely addled that his thoughts were taking turns they shouldn’t.

He could go for his sword. He could bring Kai down to his knees and plead for mercy. Instead, Sehun had surrendered. Sorrow took over. Kai hated him and Sehun had been so blind to have not seen it all these years. Kai must have just put up with him and pretended to be a friend because, like he always loved to point out, Sehun was a nobleman’s son.

He wanted to go home and bury his face in his pillow and weep into the night. He felt cheated.

Kai should have said something. He should have told Sehun long ago that he detested him. Learning the truth now hurt all the worse.

He raised his eyes to meet Kai’s steely ones. _I’m sorry_ , Sehun wanted to say. _I’m sorry you forced to tolerate me. Just like how everyone else tolerates me. I’m truly sorry._

He opened his mouth to voice his thoughts and end this once and for all.

The dagger disappeared from his neck. The grip loosened on his hands. As he parted his lips to speak, Kai sealed them once again with his own.

Wet. Warm. Soft and tender. Fiery and firm all the same.

Sehun closed his eyes. His hands found their way into Kai’s hair. He was now breathing Kai’s air. He wasn’t even sure who had kissed whom. But he was kissing Kai back. Just as firmly.

It wasn’t until Kai’s tongue swiped along his lower lip did Sehun realize that he had never done this before. He had never kissed anyone. His lips felt like a novice against Kai’s skilled ones. Nevertheless, he felt drunk. Dizzy. Submissive. He couldn’t stop himself and God, he didn’t want Kai to stop either.

Their tongues met in a warm wetness. Sehun gave Kai’s mouth all the access it demanded. He was still crying. He was confused. But he was exhausted to give it any thoughts. His body, however, was more alive than his mind.

Their damp clothes created a wonderful friction between their bodies. He couldn’t push Kai away. He didn’t want to. He must have been bewitched. Must be… Kai was a demon, wasn’t he? Brother Roland was right. His father was right. Pagans. Enchanters. Witches. They stained all purity.

Right now, Sehun couldn’t care less.

He drank the smell of Kai’s skin in. Basked in his heat. Kissed him until his lips throbbed in a wondrous pain.

“Jesus Christ,” Sehun gasped when Kai broke the kiss at long last. He felt his eyes rolling back in ecstasy when Kai shifted between his legs.

“I’d rather you say _my_ name and not His,” Kai said with a cocky smirk. He was hard. Incredibly hard. They both were.

What was happening…

He couldn’t think straight. When Kai fumbled with Sehun’s sword belt, the younger helped him get rid of it. Their hands searched for more skin. Kai yanked at the leather laces of Sehun’s tunic. Once he had successfully taken them off and entangled them messily around his own hand and between his fingers, he bowed his head once more. This time, Sehun greedily welcomed the kiss. Nobody had told him how wonderful this’d feel. He was completely unprepared for this.

Kai slid his hands into the unlaced tunic and stroked Sehun’s chest. It drove Sehun half mad.

“What are you doing?” he asked breathlessly, moaning into Kai’s mouth when Kai fingered his nipple.

“Shut the fuck up, Sehun,” Kai growled against his tongue. Sehun was happy to oblige. Kai kissed him like there was no tomorrow. Perhaps there wasn’t for them. Because after tonight, Sehun was sure he’d be going to Hell.

Kai didn’t give Sehun any time or opportunity to think of Hell right now. His mouth was everywhere, distracting Sehun from staying sane. Sagacity was long forsaken.

Kai pressed gentle kisses to Sehun’s neck while his hands latched themselves to the sides of Sehun’s waist. He went lower, dragging his lips to Sehun’s chest, then to his stomach. Sehun planted his hands in Kai’s hair and gripped it as Kai peppered his belly with kisses, drawing his tongue along the trail of hair below Sehun’s navel.

 _God. Oh, God. You’ll drive me insane…_ Sehun’s back arched off the grass when Kai nipped a skin along the waistline.

This is atrocious. All of this. Madness. And Sehun savoured every moment of it.

Kai didn’t take his eyes off Sehun’s as he slid a hand into Sehun’s pants and fisted him. Sehun sank his teeth into his bottom lip to muffle a moan. A small smile started to play on Kai’s swollen lips.

“Nobody’s going to hear us here,” Kai purred, lowering his head. Sehun’s cheeks burned. Blood stirred in his loins. He was going to die. “You can scream as loud as you want.”

What an invitation. Sehun bit his lip so hard that he tasted blood as Kai leaned closer, his breath grazing the tip of Sehun’s aching shaft.

“Please… Stop,” Sehun croaked when he finally found a small voice.

Kai did stop and Sehun stupidly regretted opening his mouth. Jesus’ blood, Kai had driven him insane after all!

He then brought the tip of his tongue to the leaking slit and gently licked it. _Holy shit,_ Sehun thought, unable to find the energy to utter it out loud. He saw stars on the back of his eyes as he clenched them, hands blindly finding Kai’s hair to clutch at.

He felt the heat of Kai’s breath first. Then the wetness of his mouth. It was absolute delirium. Kai wasn’t just a demon. He must be the Devil Himself.

He took all of Sehun in and Sehun pulsated in the warm cavern. The beautiful noises Kai made at the back of his throat almost had Sehun coming.

And then it was all gone. Sehun’s eyes flung open to look at Kai with frazzled disappointment. “Stop? Or don’t stop?” Kai asked breathlessly.

_Bloody sodding hell, don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop! You’d kill me if you stopped._

Kai smirked as though he had read Sehun’s mind. He crawled over Sehun and claimed his mouth again. Sehun kissed him twice as hard, his hands fumbling to ease Kai’s growing pain in his pants. He _wanted_ to touch Kai like Kai had touched him. And oh, the pleasure. He wanted to feel it with Kai.

But before he could, Kai caught his hands and raised it above his head again. Then holding them in place with one of his hands, he pushed down his pants with the other. Sehun had seen Kai naked before, of course. When they went swimming in the river. As kids. And he didn’t particularly pay attention. But now… Sehun eagerly ogled Kai’s beautiful, beautiful body. Scars and all.

And God, he was harder than Sehun was.

Sweat and river water mingled between their skins as Kai pressed himself between Sehun’s legs.

“Oh, my goodness,” Sehun rasped at the friction between their swollen members that were pressed against Sehun’s belly. “Kai.”

Kai looked into his eyes then. His hand found its way to a corner of Sehun’s hip and gripped it. Then with a steady pace, he started thrusting his hips forward, grinding their cocks together.

He moaned Kai’s name repeatedly like a prayer as skin slapped against skin, mouths fought for dominance. The world slipped away around them as Kai kissed Sehun. All at once, Sehun had committed sins he would never be acquitted for. Kai was dragging him to Hell with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of rape.

He woke the soft chimes of the wind, the singing chirps of the birds, and the subtle heat of the morning sun. Though he lay on a crumpled heap of clothes, the grass still prickled his back. Kai turned to his side with a dull ache in his thighs.

And there he was, back turned to Kai, breathing heavy but steady. Kai felt his heart leap in his chest as he surveyed the pink splotches on Sehun’s otherwise milky-white back. _Sweet lady, he’s so beautiful_ , Kai thought, biting his tender lower lip. The thought was quickly chased by a few more lewd and unseemly ones as his eyes lowered to Sehun’s arse. Round, full, firm. Kai licked his lips, bringing a hand to gently cup a side of that perky plump arse.

Sehun did not rouse as Kai’s finger teased the cleft of his arse. He must have been exhausted. Well, in his defence, they did spend an entire evening _and_ an entire night frotting and grinding on the ground, against trees like animals mad in heat, like lads mad in love. Sehun had, surprisingly but fortunately, responded to Kai’s demands with twice the vigour and lust. He was almost thanking his _God_ while Kai was on his knees, sucking Sehun’s cock for the fifth time.

Oh, how Kai wished he could tempt Sehun to a realm far more pleasuring and sinful than the one they had explored last night. And Kai might do just that this morning. His shaft was already hardening as he leered at the curve of Sehun’s pale arse, fingers skimming the protruding tailbone. Would Sehun agree to it? Perhaps Kai would let Sehun bent him over. Although right now, he had a firm preference of where he wanted to be.

 _Mount him, fuck him senseless,_ he told himself. He’d be showing Sehun a pleasure like no other. _Then show him love._ Real love. Not the kind that was derived from divine commandments and fear.

But this moment, Kai wanted to live in it forever. The forest and the lad he loved it in. In his arms. With blossoming bruises all over his body. Kai would never forget the wonderful noises Sehun had made last night as Kai had kissed him, stroked him, tore that perfect composure apart. This was what his dreams were made of. Waking up with the boy he loved in his arms as the morning sun glimmered between the dark strands of his hair, glistened on his delicious pale skin.

Whilst he’d had taken lads to bed before, _this_ was different. He had taken a lover, a friend. This was unbelievable, unimaginable. It was stunning.

He curled his fingers over the curve of Sehun’s waist, lightly, like a carver sculpting his first sculpture. Sehun had a nice waist. Not ‘svelte’ or whatever the word Taeyong had used to describe a lass’ body. But Sehun definitely had a nice waist curve. He had nice everything. Kai’s callused hand seemed like a joke against Sehun’s skin that probably had seen a day of sun or hard work.

Kai pressed a kiss to Sehun’s shoulder blade. As much as he did not want this moment to end, he wanted to wake Sehun more and do things to him that would madden and annoy Sehun’s God.

Sehun stirred after a moment, making the softest of noises. Kai smiled to himself, drawing his hand up and down the side of Sehun’s body. “Until the wind dies,” he whispered into Sehun’s ear. “until the sun rises in the west, until the sea dries.” _You are mine._

Sehun jolted upright, as though he were struck. He turned his head and looked at Kai, eyes wide with horror and confusion. Not a reaction Kai had been expecting to see after an entire night of lovemaking.

He sat up as Sehun scrambled to his feet and started rummaging through the crumpled pile of clothes for his trousers and tunic.

“We could lay here for a spell,” Kai said. Sehun did not reply. He started getting dressed hastily with his cheeks red and eyes refusing to meet Kai’s. His body was trembling. Kai’s eyes narrowed as his eyebrows furrowed in a scowl. He rose to his feet too and pulled on his pants.

He then silently watched Sehun searching the ground for the laces of his tunic. He glanced at the laces wound around Kai’s hand and frowned.

“I was hoping that you would stay a moment longer,” Kai muttered, unwinding the laces. “I could hunt us some breakfast.”

Sehun was shivering now, eyes focused on the laces Kai was removing from his hand. “No,” he let out nervously.

“Why? You are in no hurry to get home, are you?”

“I have… to… go,” Sehun stammered. He looked on-guard. Ready for offence. It was unlike him.

“You have to go?” Kai asked as he held out the laces to Sehun. But before Sehun could grab them, Kai pulled his hand back and stepped forward. “Here. Let me.”

“No, stay back!” Sehun barked, eyes bulging out in dread as he stumbled a few steps back.

Kai froze in his pace, jaw falling slack. “Sehun?” He advanced another step. A shaky one.

“I said stay back and stay away from me!” Sehun cried, holding up a trembling hand.

The laces slipped between Kai’s fingers and fell to the ground. His heart leaped, thudded against his breastbone, then crumbled with sorrow.

Only a moment ago Kai had been entertaining the fantasy of kissing Sehun awake and making love to him again. To mock his God and show the Big Man how powerful love was in the face of His might. It was all shattered now.

Kai started forward once more but paused when Sehun retreated, stumbling in haste, and reached out for his sword that wasn’t there. Sehun flexed his fingers in disappointment, realizing the absence of his sword. Kai, on the other hand, went completely still and silent, trying to ingest the fact that Sehun had just tried to draw a sword on him.

Confusion was an emotion long accustomed to Kai, but it was never a comfortable one. He had never reacted well to it. It made him want to punch his hands through trees, drown himself in the river. And there hadn’t been a confusion so suffocating as this one.

He gawked at Sehun. Confused. Worried of what he might hear next.

“Don’t,” Sehun said shakily. “I must go.”

Kai snapped out of his trance. “What’s all this, Sehun?” he asked, both dejected and angered at the same time. “Is this some sort of game to you?”

Sehun looked up at him and grimaced. “To _me_? You are the one who’s so good at playing games.”

“Not this game,” Kai spat, hands fisted at his sides. “This is no game to me. I will not lie with you for a fucking game. My people do not play with hearts.”

“Oh, and mine does?” Sehun countered. “ _Hearts_? I am flirting with Hell doing this with you.”

“No. You are flirting with _death_ , using me like this.”

Sehun tightened his jaw, face ashen and horrified. “ _You_ have made me… do this and—”

“I have made you do it, eh?!” Kai roared and Sehun shuddered. “Am I the _only_ one to be faulted here, then? You have no hand to play in this?”

Sehun did not reply immediately. A tear betrayed his eye and rolled down his cheek. “You… You tricked me.”

“I tricked you into what exactly?!” Kai yapped, tears stinging his own eyes. “Into making love?” He lowered his voice then. “Sehun, please. Do not do this.”

“I’m begging you, Kai,” Sehun pleaded when Kai started towards him. “Stay away.”

Kai stopped, shoulders slumping, spirit demolished. He clasped a hand over his jaw and closed his eyes momentarily to swallow back a sob.

“This was wrong,” Sehun muttered, voice cracking. Kai wasn’t sure if he were talking to himself. “This was… so wrong. This was a mistake.”

That hurt too much. _A mistake._

“You didn’t seem to realize that last night when I was sucking your cock,” Kai spat, eyes flinging open. “Like a proper peasant.”

That struck Sehun dumb. “Stop it,” he said with a tremor.

“That’s the truth, ain’t it? I heard no plaint comin’ out of your bloody mouth for as long as I was on my knees, serving you like a peasant is supposed to serve His Lordship.”

“Stop it, Kai,” Sehun said again with tears trickling down his face unchecked. “You know that I am not like that.”

“Oh, yes, you are. You are no different! No different than _your_ people. You’d stoop so low to lay with a peasant for a mere game and then toss him away when you realize once more that your mighty God forbids love.”

That did it. The swing came out of nowhere and struck Kai in the face. He staggered a few steps. Straightening up, he faced Sehun again with a squared jaw.

“This isn’t love,” Sehun wept, retreating again. “This… This is abomination… This is damnation. This is… _sodomy_.” His voice nearly died. “This is sin!”

All of Kai’s strength dissipated. He wanted the earth he stood on to swallow him up from beneath. “How could you…” He felt weak. Like a defeated warrior. “How could you be so cruel? How could you call all that we had done a sin?”

“It is what it is,” Sehun said. “I don’t know what you’ve done to me but—”

“What _I’ve_ done to _you_?” Kai felt his heart break for the first time. First of many times. “Liar,” he said softly. Heartbroken. “You wanted it just as much as I did.”

“My brother, father, everyone warned me about heathens,” Sehun rasped, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his tunic. “I should have heeded them.”

“Yes, you should have,” Kai said. “You should have heeded them before treating me like I’m one of your leftovers your dogs maul.”

“Enough!” Sehun squalled. “You talk plenty about me mistreating. What of how you have been treating me all these years, then?! How about the fact that every time I come looking for you, you look at me with nothing but contempt and annoyance?”

“You daft fool,” Kai husked. “I have never seen a fool dafter than you. Have you thought about how painful it is for me to mask my misery behind a smile every time I see you, knowing that I cannot have you when all that I want in this goddamn world is to have you?”

Sehun fell silent for a moment. Then in the lowest voice, he said, “Tricks.”

Sorrow was now buried in rage. “A dangerous game you play, Sehun. You do not care who you kill in it. You are a master at making war, aren’t you? Like your father. Like your ancestors. Like your God. That’s what your God dictates.”

“Why do you keep saying _my_ God? He is your God, too!” Sehun exclaimed in frustration.

Kai lunged at him, closing the gap between them, and seized Sehun’s wrists before slamming him back against a tree. Sehun gasped, as though all wind was knocked out of his lungs.

“No,” Kai gritted. “ _My_ God wouldn’t call what we had just done an _abomination_. I want nothing to do with a God as cruel as yours. You will have me play no part in this.” He let his glistening eyes bore into Sehun’s, memorizing what they looked like one last time for that he worried that he might never see them again. And there was no greater agony than that.

All these years, since Kai had acknowledged the sheer power Sehun had over him, over his thoughts, his emotions, his irrational behaviours, he had tried to keep Sehun at bay, push him away if he must. But now, he couldn’t. After what happened last night, he wanted to fight for the love Sehun was denying. He wanted to fight for Sehun.

Peasants did not dream. They did not desire. Kai knew he was asking for too much.

He released Sehun’s wrists and cupped Sehun’s crying face in his hands. Kai covered Sehun’s gasps with his mouth, kissing him like it was their last day in this world. When Sehun tried to push Kai away with his fists on Kai’s chest, he grabbed Sehun’s hair and slammed him harder against the tree before kissing him hard and firm, promising mercy in between. He tried to push Kai away a few more times before he mellowed, softened like a song nearing its end. A song Kai played, his fingers plucked, his lips tuned. One of his hands shot up to bury itself in Kai’s hair while the other firmly pressed into Kai’s bare chest. He shivered beautifully, submitting, accepting. Kai thought he might just die from the way his heart pounded as Sehun kissed him back, slowly, defeatedly. He tasted the salt of Sehun’s tears on their lips as he gently sucked Sehun’s lower lip, reminiscing last night when he had kissed Sehun the same way in the river while they took a dip together, limbs and bodies pressed tightly together. Beyond pleasure, there had been something more meaningful and Kai knew he was no fool to believe that Sehun had not felt any of it. Liar and a coward, Sehun was. But not heartless.

When Kai pulled back, they were left with no breaths. Sehun silently wept, keeping his eyes tightly shut. Kai swiped his thumbs over Sehun’s cheeks to wipe away the warm tears.

“But if I am an abomination for loving you so,” Kai said in a whisper, breathing against Sehun’s parted and panting lips. “then by the Sweet Lady, I will be honoured to be the damnedest abomination to ever walk the earth, Sehun. I will not cower before it.” He kissed Sehun’s cheeks, forehead, chin, the skin between his nose and upper lip. Then tenderly, breathlessly, he kissed Sehun’s lips again. “Burn me in Hellfire. Kill my soul. If _this_ is what your God forbids.” He pressed their lips together once more. “I cannot and will not stop loving you, and no man nor god can make me.”

Sehun’s fingers quivered against Kai’s collarbones. “Do you think I want to do this?” Sehun exhaled, voice thick with despair. “Do you think I want to do this to you?”

“Then don’t,” Kai begged. “Don’t leave me. Don’t go.” He pressed his lips to Sehun’s temple, holding the back of Sehun’s head in his hand as Sehun hid his face in Kai’s shoulder. Kai knew that he had no right to ask Sehun of this. He was a lowborn peasant, lowliest of all, with no title, no honour to his name. That was all that he had to call his own. A name. How could a peasant swain solicit his Lord’s son, a nobility born with silvers and golds to his name, to stay? It did not stop Kai from begging further. “Please, Sehun. Please. Stay with me.”

He begged. For the first time, he begged. Not a nobleman, not the son of a nobleman, but his lover.

Sehun met Kai’s limpid gaze. Desolation watered his eyes. His fingers drooped down Kai’s sternum, as though to feel his heartbeat. He was leaning in. Kai followed.

And then with sudden wakefulness, Sehun blenched back, his dark eyes abruptly demurring Kai’s affection. He shoved Kai back with every might he possessed. Falling to the ground with a thud, Kai gaped at Sehun, startled but speechless as his body fell limp with defeat and grief.

“I will not fall for your demonic tricks again,” Sehun blurted out before he broke into a sprint.

 _Demonic_. Kai was the demon somehow, when Sehun was the fiend, the evil who had callously broken a man with his words, his beliefs, his kisses that would be remembered for a lifetime.

Kai did not move. He did not make a sound. He sat still on the very forest ground he had made love to Sehun on. Then he planted his head in his hands and sobbed like a child as the wind died and the sea dried under the scorching sun.

 

* * *

 

**_Vingaild_ **

****

Preparations for the Vingaild Supper took place in the manor without much fuss. Sehun was holed up in his room with his books, prayers, and thoughts. The thoughts he wasn’t very comfortable with. He wished he could get rid of them.

He sat at his desk with the Holy Bible spread open before him. His concentration, however, was on a district not too far from here. A forest. A river. A peasant lad, taller than the last time Sehun had seen him a couple of years ago. Just as handsome.

He had seen Kai. He never thought he would. But he had. And now, he couldn’t stop thinking of Kai and the terrible things they had done to each other, with each other. It was long ago. Sins Sehun had asked absolution for. He did not know how to. He did not trust Brother Roland enough to keep this secret. It was eating him alive from the inside. The guilt. The terror. The longing.

He shook his head and the thoughts with it. “Jesus, save me from these desires,” he muttered under his breath.

His desire to go and see Kai again. His friend. His best friend. Seek forgiveness. Kai would never grant him that. And he shouldn’t.

A knock on his door spared him from the rest of his sulking. He rose from the desk and got the door.

“Sehun,” Brother Roland said with a kind smile.

Sehun bowed his head. “Brother Roland. What brings you here?”

“Your brother tells me that you haven’t come out of your room in a week. Is something troubling your thoughts?”

_Yes, and it’s called Kai._

Sehun blinked. “No, Brother. I just… have schoolwork to attend to.”

“Ah, I don’t doubt it. But,” he said, smiling more. “it has been a while since your last confession. Perhaps one now could ease your strain.”

Sehun fisted his hands together at his back. “Now?”

“Yes, now. Your books will be there when you return.”

Swallowing, Sehun stepped out of his room. “I was hoping to see Father first this morning.”

“I see.” Brother Roland rubbed his forehead. “Well, you will come see me after, won’t you?”

“I will. But you need not worry. I have been attending confessionals routinely in Evershall.”

“I am sure you have. However, _I_ would still like to hear from you, Sehun.”

Sehun nodded.

Once Brother Roland went away, Sehun proceeded to his father’s solar.

“They will never relent, Father,” he heard Jaejoong say. His brother had returned? “The heathens in Swadgilt have accepted our beliefs and teachings. The Madshire fools are just stubborn pigs. They are far too filthy for us to try and clean them. The best and only way to clean all that filth now is to _burn_ them.”

“Oh, my son,” Lord Grant sighed. “I admire your determination for our cause. But we cannot burn three hundred people.”

“Yes, we can. We burn their homes and they burn with them.”

Sehun’s chest tightened.

“Wildfires are very common in Madshire,” Jaejoong said nonchalantly. “And who is to say that their own demon lord hadn’t sent it their way?”

“Jaejoong,” his father said gruffly. “You cannot punish them for no reason.”

“I can always find a reason. Laws can be easily broken. And peasants break the law all the time. I can find a reason, Father,” he said with a smirk.

“And until you do, you will not harm them, do you understand?” The man coughed and took a sip of whiskey from his tumbler. “The church is already trying to get them to turn.”

“All that bloody cajoling is not going to work on those idiots,” Jaejoong spat. “Father, they are proud pagans. We get rid of them like we get rid of roaches.”

“I despise those heathens just as much as you do, son,” Lord Grant said. “But these are peasants. And there are _many_ peasants all over Vingaild. We do not want an uprising, do we?”

“If those filthy peasants revolt, we raze them down. I’ll take their pitchforks and shove em up their arses.”

“Patience, son. I have invited their reeve to the supper.”

“The shoemaker?” Jaejoong asked. “His wife used to cook for us.”

“Yes. And his youngest son now pursues his education in Evershall. In _my_ grace. The cordwainer will be able to convince his people. He is their reeve, they’d listen to him. And he… is a father. He’d want the best for his son.”

Jaejoong groaned. “Very well, Father. But if he refuses?”

“He won’t.”

Jaejoong argued no more as he turned on his heel and marched towards the door. He paused when he spotted Sehun by the doorway, and he grinned at him. “Little brother,” he chimed. “Decided to come out of your rabbit hole at long last, have you?”

Sehun shoved his brother’s hand away when Jaejoong tried to ruffle his hair. Then scoffing, Jaejoong stormed off.

“Father,” Sehun said as he approached the old man.

“Sehun, come in,” Lord Grant said with a smile. “I was just hoping that you’d come see me today.”

“You have invited the cordwainer to the dinner?” Sehun asked, frowning. “He is a peasant. A… pagan. Will he sit with us?”

“No, of course not,” his father rasped, as though it were the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “It will be a demonstration of what could unite us.”

“And that is Christianity?” Sehun muttered, watching his father pour himself another tumbler of whiskey. “What was Jaejoong suggesting, Father? He couldn’t have literally meant… that we should… burn—”

“Now, now, pet,” his father said softly. “It is nothing you need to worry about. You are here for a rest and rest you shall. I believe Brother Roland was looking for you.”

“Yes, I’ve spoken to him.” Sehun lowered his gaze. “Father… you are a good man, aren’t you?”

His father stopped, turned, and faced Sehun with a black lour. “Why do you ask such a question?”

Sehun gulped hard. “I only mean to say…” he trailed off, hanging his head. “Nothing.”

“Go on then, child. If you have nothing to say,” the man harrumphed.

Sehun turned around and started to leave. He clenched his hands to stop them from shaking.

“You are friends with the peasant boy, aren’t you?” his father asked and Sehun halted dead in his tracks.

He faced his father, blood drumming in his ears. “Father?”

“The Madshire lad. The one you’re rooming with.”

Sehun breathed again. “Taeyong.”

“Yes.” Lord Grant took his seat at his desk and tapped his fingers to a folded letter. “You know where he lives.”

“You have sent me there before,” Sehun said carefully.

“I remember. You returned empty-handed.”

Sehun dropped his head, shamefaced. “I’m sorry.”

“So you’ve said a few times since.” His father exhaled heavily. “Will you ride for Madshire and deliver his family this invitation? And do it in public if you can. For everyone to see the generosity of their lord.”

Sehun froze. “Father, I cannot,” he said quickly.

The man raised his greying eyebrows. “I beg your pardon.”

“I cannot,” Sehun repeated in a lower voice. “I have… to study.”

“Study when you return.”

“Don’t I have to help you with the preparations for the supper?”

“You haven’t done much by sitting in your room,” his father chided. “Why do you hesitate? Are you and the lad not on speaking terms?”

They weren’t on any civil terms.

“Father,” Sehun pleaded. “Send someone else. Send Jaejoong. Please, I’m begging you.”

“It would be better if one of our own went down there and your brother will just bring home some pagans’ heads. Why are you reluctant?” His father’s tone was grave now. When Sehun did not answer, the man heaved a sigh. “Very well. You continue to disappoint me. Now, leave my presence.”

Sehun bowed and hurried out of the solar with his heart in his throat.

 

* * *

 

“ _Ignosce mihi, Pater, quia peccavi,_ ” Sehun started, closing his eyes. Brother Roland’s breathing was steady, waiting.

Once the formalities were over, Brother Roland asked, “What has been bothering you, then?”

Sehun thought for a second. _Temptation. Seduction. Damnation._ “I could not… help my thoughts,” he began. “for someone else.”

“And what thoughts these may be?”

Sehun looked down at his clammy palms. “Thoughts… From my past. Sins I haven’t sought absolution for.”

Brother Roland was silent for a moment. Then, “What sins?”

Sehun tried not to think too much. This was the only way he could get rid of the guilt that had been burdening him for so long.

“I had been with someone,” he said quietly. “Intimately… And I liked it.”

When Brother Roland spoke again, he was kind. “You are a good lad, Sehun. You are not your brother, so I assume there was some nice young lady who had caught your eyes.”

“Nice and young. It was no lady,” Sehun admitted.

Brother Roland laughed softly. “A peasant lass, then?” he said. “Well, Sehun. At your age, it is very easy to stray away from the good and the pure. But it is also a given. Desires are common and a must even at your age. Who is this peasant lass?”

Sehun hesitated then. “A peasant lad.”

Brother Roland had gone completely quiet. Sehun began to panic. But he was also tired. Tired of being scared.

“I see,” Brother Roland said at length. “Did you want this lad?”

“Not like that,” Sehun replied. “Not before… everything started.”

“Was he kind to you? Gentle?”

Sehun could feel his cheeks burn. “Y-Yes. He did… not hurt me.”

“Then you shall be thankful to have given yourself for the first time to pleasure and not pain.”

This was not what Sehun was expecting to hear.

“What did you feel for this peasant lad?” Brother Roland inquired. “Only lust?”

Sehun kept mum for a length. “Perhaps,” he said. “I did not know what was happening… Before I knew it, it had all happened and… I was allowing it to happen again… and again and… again. I never thought of him like that. I never wanted him like that.”

_Liar._

_“Am I the only one to be faulted here, then? You have no hand to play in this?”_

“Ah,” Roland let out.

“It has been so long,” Sehun said. “And I can never seem to forgive myself. I can never forget him.”

“Do you still… want him? Now?”

Sehun shook his head to himself. “No. No, not like that.”

_Liar._

“It was your… first time, wasn’t it?” Brother Roland asked.

“Yes,” he answered, burying his face in his hands.

“Sehun, you might have gotten carried away as it was your first time. And you are sorry for it and you realize that it was wrong.” A pause. “That is good. You were careful. He was kind.”

“It was sodomy,” Sehun muttered, tears brimming his eyes.

“Yes, it was,” Roland said. “But you will not do it again, will you?”

“No!” Sehun cried. “I will never! He was a trickster. He… He was a demon.”

“And yet you think of him.”

Sehun did not reply. That was the point. He was still thinking of Kai because Kai had done something to him. Not to mention that in Evershall, there was a constant reminder of Kai sleeping right across Sehun.

“Perhaps he regrets it, too,” Brother Roland said.

Something twisted inside Sehun, then. What if Kai were regretting it?

_“Burn me in Hellfire. Kill my soul. If this is what your God forbids. I cannot and will not stop loving you, and no man nor god can make me.”_

“Perhaps he has sought absolution, too,” Roland continued. Sehun almost told him that Kai was no Christian. But he kept mum. “It is time you put this past you, Sehun. But do not ever forget that it is a sin like no other and it would be a greater sin to commit it again.”

“I understand, Brother Roland,” Sehun murmured.

“You will not do it again. Not with him… Not with any other lads. Have you… wanted other lads?”

“No,” Sehun said, and the realization came to him slowly. He had never wanted any other lad. He had never thought about other lads while he moaned into his pillow at nights, stroking himself to ease the pain, release the pleasure. It wasn’t because of other lads he hardened. It had always only been Kai.

“What is special about him, I wonder,” Brother Roland mused.

“He isn’t like the others,” Sehun said, mostly to himself, to remind himself of the Kai he knew. “He didn’t bow his head in fear. He called sins his blessings. He was…” _Beautiful._ “comfortable. With what he was and what he does. He fears not men nor god. He fears his own happiness because what he wants… he can’t have.”

“A follower of the old beliefs,” Roland said. “How do you know him?”

Sehun was quiet again.

“You need not fret in here, Sehun. Speak as you wish,” Roland reassured him.

“I have been friends with him for so long. Since we were children. His mother worked for us. His father is a cordwainer who’s been serving our family for many years, too.”

“Ah. It’s the cordwainer’s boy. I had met him the other day he visited. I see why you call him a demon now. A wayward lad that one. Heathens do have many tricks, Sehun. You are strong and wise enough that you weren’t sucked in too deep. Pray hard, my child. God will eventually rid you of your untoward thoughts. The sickness will be remedied. Believe in Him.”

“I do,” Sehun said. They exited the confessional.

“ _Passio Domini nostri Jesu Christi, merita Beatae Mariae Virginis et omnium sanctorum, quidquid boni feceris vel mail sustinueris sint tibi in remissionem peccatorum, augmentum gratiae et praemium vitae aeternae._ Amen _._ ”

Sehun met Brother Roland’s eyes and softly said, “Amen.”

When he returned to his room later that evening, Sehun gazed out the window and stared at the woods that surrounded the manor.

He thought that he would finally be able to breathe if he confessed. He felt even more suffocated now. That wasn’t the closure he needed, but it helped him gather the strength.

He entered his father’s solar and found the man resting on the chaise lounge.

“Father,” he called. His father did not look up from his book. “I’ll go.”

Lord Grant raised his head and arched an eyebrow at Sehun. “You’ll go where?”

Sehun drew a breath. “Madshire. Bearing the invitation to the reeve.”

His father smiled. “Ride there tomorrow, then.”

 

* * *

 

**_Madshire_ **

****

Nothing had changed in Madshire. It was all sand, dirt, heat, and poverty.

Loud, too. But it was home to many.

Sehun’s father saw no need for Sehun to be accompanied by a guard dog, since he was now a man who could fend for himself with a sword.

He reined his horse to a halt when he reached the cottage. The people of Madshire stopped to leer at him, some were astonished, others were appalled. Mothers sent their children back into the huts, men scowled at Sehun and his white horse harder than the blistering sun.

Sehun kept a hand at the hilt of his sword as he dismounted the horse.

“What’s a noble doing here?” he heard someone say harshly.

“Nothing good, for sure,” another said.

Sehun bit his tongue as he approached the biggest cottage in Madshire, the cordwainer’s house. The door was always open. They had no silvers to lock away, but no one would thieve here, anyway, Kai always told Sehun.

“I will fetch some for the festival, Mum!” a girl cooed as she skipped out of the cottage, gripping her kirtle, with a handkerchief tied around her head. She stiffened when she found Sehun standing on her doorstep. “Mum… There’s a well-dressed man out here.”

Sehun smiled at her. “You must be Yeri,” he said.

The girl could not be much older than Taeyong. “Mum! He knows my name!” she called back into the cottage.

“I know your brother…” _Brothers_.

“And he knows my brother!”

 

“What are you yappin’ about?” Taeyong’s mother grumbled as she walked out of the cottage. She straightened up and froze like her daughter when her eyes landed on Sehun and his horse. “Oh.”

Sehun bowed his head. “Sanha,” he said. “How have you been?” He smiled. But the smile quickly faltered when Sanha did not return it.

“What are you doing here?” she asked grimly.

Licking his lips, Sehun extracted the invitation from his belt. “My father has invited your husband to the Vingaild Supper.”

“What?!” Yeri gasped.

Sanha considered the invitation held out to her for a moment. “My husband and sons aren’t home.”

Sehun shuddered at the heat licking at the back of his sweating neck. He tried not to show the disappointment in his face. He would not deny that he had come all the way here to see Kai. And hopefully mend their friendship.

“How… are they?” Sehun asked in a breath, lowering his gaze.

Kai’s mother regarded him with something like pity. Then sighing, she turned to her daughter. “Yeri, see to his horse. My husband will return shortly. My Lord, please come in for some water. You have travelled far.”

Sehun withdrew the invitation and followed Sanha into the cottage, leaving the reins of his horse in Yeri’s hands.

“Thank you,” Sehun said, removing his coat. “Your husband was at the manor a few weeks ago, wasn’t he?”

“I believe he was,” Sanha said. “Please, sit. I will get you some water.”

Sehun took his seat on the pallet. He remembered the last time he was here. The visit had led to many, many unpleasant things.

“Thank you,” he said again as Sanha offered him a wooden cup of warm water. It was not refreshing but his parched throat was thankful for it nonetheless. “Have you been well? Your family, too?”

Sanha was quiet as she turned to clear the small dining table.

Sehun stared into the tiny ripples in the cup. “I am sorry,” he muttered a long moment later.

“What are you sorry for, Your Lordship?”

“I am not a lord,” Sehun said.

“Not yet, you are not. But you will be soon.” There was bitterness in her tone. Sehun couldn’t blame her for hating him. His father did fire her. But did she know that it was also thanks to his father that Taeyong was now studying at the prestigious Evershall Academy? If she did, she would be grateful.

“I am sorry for… everything that happened the last time I was here.”

“That was many moons ago. Nobody remembers it, Master Sehun.”

Sehun blinked vacantly. “I hope you will attend the dinner and listen to what my father has to say. He means well.”

“Oh, I know,” she said, setting the rag aside before she turned around and faced Sehun. “You all mean well, don’t you?”

Sehun frowned. Did she perhaps find out about his fights with Taeyong? “Your son and I go to the same college.”

“I know,” was her curt answer.

Sehun dropped his head again. “I am not my father, Sanha. You know me. You can’t hate me.”

“I do not hate you, Master Sehun,” she said. “You are nothing but a child. But you were the one who… broke my son’s heart. I am a mother after all. I will not forgive those who hurt my children.”

The cup almost slipped from Sehun’s hand as he looked up at Sanha. “I—”

“I am never at ease, knowing that my youngest son lives with you. Not after how you have ruined my eldest son.”

“I had not ruined him,” Sehun blurted out, rising to his feet. “You misunderstand—”

“No, I do not,” she spat.

Sehun took a deep breath. “Sanha, it has been so long. It’s time we put this behind us and move on. I have come here to mend our friendship.”

“Friendship!” she scoffed. “Oh, child. It is way past mending. You ought to leave before he returns. I do not need you in his life again, just so that you can break him again. You rich folks don’t care about how you hurt us poor ones. You will confess to your sins and forget all about them. You do not remember those you’ve hurt. But we… we live with them. The scars. My sister was once raped by your guards. Until she died. All because… she was a peasant with no one to stand for her. My parents were killed during a pagan festival. Please, I beg you. Do not come back into my son’s life. You care nothing for us lowly beings. You’d use us, break us, and once we’re of no more use to you, you’d turn your backs on us and march on. You have so many others to be friends with. Leave _my_ son be.”

Sehun saw her agony. He felt his own.

“Now, if you’ve quenched your thirst, you best be on your way back home,” Sanha said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Sehun did not wait to hear more as he turned on his heel, eyes burning with tears, and hurried out of the cottage, leaving the invitation behind on the pallet. His head spun. The heat was too much. He needed air. He needed to breathe. He needed to scream and cry.

He was forced to a halt when he bumped into a lad, tall and sturdy, smelling like the earth and the woods. Years of pleasant memories flooded his mind, blinded his vision. Strong hands caught his arms as his knees started to buckle. His sight blurred. He gasped for air but inhaled nothing but sand that grazed his lungs.

“Sehun?” he heard his voice then as he began to fall to the ground.

“Kai… Kai,” Sehun managed to croak out before black seeped in.

 

* * *

 

“What was he doing here?” A familiar voice. Assertive. Concerned. Kai.

“Did he come looking for me?” This was Taeyong’s, Sehun recognized it immediately. The low thrum in his head prevented him from opening his eyes. His head was resting on something soft. A straw pillow.

“No,” their mother said.

“He came looking for Dad actually,” Yeri chimed in.

“Is he going to be all right?” Kai again.

Sehun’s insides knotted. It was Kai…

“I will give him some soup to drink to restore his strength when he wakes,” said Sanha. “The heat must have gotten to him. And he must have ridden without a rest.”

Their voices sounded distant. As though they were coming from downstairs.

Sehun was not ready to face any of them. So, he let the drowsiness overpower him once more and he fell into a deep slumber.

 

* * *

 

He’d seen him. He’d heard Sehun say his name, not once but twice. He’d borne Sehun in his arms again when _His_ _Lordship_ had lost his consciousness. It was not at all how Kai had imagined their meeting would be. He had not been expecting warm, desperate kisses and passionate embraces either. He’d expected fisticuffs and blood. Not Sehun swooning and keeling over like a weak damsel overwhelmed by the heat and exhaustion. How was he supposed to break Sehun’s face when he was unconscious and ill?!

Nevertheless, he stood in the cottage, short-winded and flabbergasted. Sehun was _here_ , up in the loft, sleeping in his bed. He should have tied Sehun to his horse and sent them home. Maybe he’d still do it when Sehun roused.

“Where is your father?” his mother inquired.

“He went to the market to sell some of the rabbits. He said he’ll be back before the festival begins,” said Taeyong. Kai stayed slumped against a wall, staring at the floor, arms crossed over his chest. “Why is he here, then?”

There was worry in Taeyong’s expression. He was probably worried about getting arrested for assaulting a nobleman’s son back in Evershall.

Kai remained silent as his mother picked up a letter from the pallet and started explaining about the invitation to the Vingaild Supper. He almost paid no attention.

“I hope he gets up and leaves soon,” Yeri said sourly. “We have to get going to the festival!”

Kai could not be bothered about the Summer Solstice Festival in Madshire. The festival was celebrated in many districts all over Dornwich but it was more fun for the rich. For the poor, it was mostly just hoedowns and cheap ale down at the alehouse. However, it was the first time it was being celebrated here in Madshire. Previous years, they’d travel to Swadgilt to enjoy the beer, the performances, and the women. Well, for Kai, it was the lads.

“We cannot just leave him here,” his mother said.

Yeri groaned. “Of all days!”

“I will watch over him,” Taeyong said. “You should go. I am used to watching him sleep. I could do it.”

Kai grimaced at Taeyong. “You watch him sleep?” he asked, scowling.

Taeyong blinked at his brother. “I study until late at night,” he said. “He sleeps early.”

Kai sighed. “You all should go. I’ll stay.”

His mother looked at him. “Kai,” she began to protest.

“I’ll stay, Mum,” he repeated through his teeth. “And I’ll make sure that he leaves when he wakes up.” He’d plant a fist in Sehun’s skull before he’d let him leave, though.

His mother did not object. She sighed and ordered Yeri to clean herself up and wear her best kirtle. “Be careful, Kai. We will be back sooner,” his mother told him in hushed tones, raising her fingers to stroke Kai’s cheek before she left him alone.

“I can’t believe he’s actually here,” Taeyong said, as though to verbalize what was running in Kai’s mind.

“Yeah. Me neither,” Kai muttered under his breath, looking up the ladder of the loft.

 

* * *

 

The heat had waned a little. Sunrays did not dance behind his eyelids anymore. Evening must have fallen. It was pleasantly cool and snug. He cracked an eye open. It was almost dark. He was lying on a thin pallet. The pallet was not comfortable, to say the least. It was so thin that he could feel the floorboards on his back. How could anyone sleep on this, he wondered. For longer than a few hours, that was. He stared at the roof that was directly above him. It was a small loft.

It took him a moment to realize that he was not alone in the loft. He turned on the pallet and discerned the shadowy figure that sat in the corner, plucking the bowstring of his hunting bow.

He paused and looked in Sehun’s way. Sehun could hear songs being sung from a distance. He could feel the beat of the drums in his temples, in the veins in his neck. He lifted his weary gaze to Kai’s face. His dark eyes were boring into Sehun’s. Then he lowered them, looking away. Sehun’s breathing quickened as his heart started thundering against his ribs. His inner turmoil was matched with the calmness and quiet of the loft.

It was as though time had gone still around them. The only time that had happened before was when Kai kissed him for the first time.

As much as Sehun wanted to forget it, he never let himself actually do it. He reminded himself time and again of how devastating their first kiss was to him. _His_ first kiss. And now, he wanted nothing more than to relive the pain.

He slid a hand over the pallet and reached out to Kai’s bare foot. Kai flinched but did not pull away as Sehun gently curled his hand around Kai’s shin, stroking the top of Kai’s foot. In some sort of a twisted way, this was Sehun trying to seek his forgiveness.

Kai raised his eyes and looked at Sehun again. It had gotten too dark for Sehun to conceive his expression. Sehun retrieved his hand. Maybe this was a dream. He tried to think of his God. A tear trickled down the corner of his eye. The pillow smelled like Kai.

His God…

He called upon Him. Beseeched Him to save him from these wants and longings. From the sins he was about to commit.

_“But if I am an abomination for loving you so, then by the Sweet Lady, I will be honoured to be the damnedest abomination to ever walk the earth, Sehun. I will not cower before it.”_

Kai crawled away from the corner and into the pallet. Sehun’s heart stopped.

He hovered above Sehun, planting his hands into the pillow on either side of Sehun’s head. Then kneeling on Sehun’s sides, he looked down into Sehun’s eyes. It was not dark enough to not to know what swam in those eyes. Everything that Sehun wanted, too.

Kai allowed Sehun to take one breath. One very shaky breath.

Sehun curled his hands around Kai’s tunic, fisting it in a bunch. He parted his quivering lips, tugging at Kai’s tunic, and pushed himself up slowly. His breathing was loud, his breaths almost moans. Blood stirred in regions he shouldn’t be allowing, let alone _wanting_ , another man to touch. He pulled at the tunic, drawing Kai lower.

Their lips met in the softest brush. A greeting. A confession like no other.

Sehun clenched his eyes tightly as Kai’s hand moved from the pillow to cup the back of Sehun’s head. His fingers slid between the locks of Sehun’s hair and tangled in them.

The soft kiss left them both breathless as they came apart. Sehun opened his eyes. Kai had his closed. He was panting, too. Sehun splayed his fingers over Kai’s chest.

“Kai…” Sehun began in a breath.

“Shhh,” Kai hushed him and then slowly bowed his head.

This time, the kiss was firm, still gentle. Kai kissed him like he had been waiting for this moment his whole life. His lips slightly trembled against Sehun’s or perhaps Sehun’s lips were the ones trembling. He couldn’t care. He surrendered. And Kai welcomed the submission, courted it with his burning lips and demanding tongue.

Sehun gave him all. And he would give more.

Kai broke the kiss once to latch his lips to Sehun’s neck, peppering it with kisses that drove Sehun insane. Well, he was already insane. And he was going to Hell.

So be it.

Kai was going to Hell. Sehun was not going to let him go alone.

Kai shifted and slithered between Sehun’s legs, hands angrily unlacing Sehun’s tunic. When he decided that he had no patience for it, he yanked the tunic over Sehun’s head and tossed it away. Sehun was suddenly grateful for the small pallet. It kept them unbelievably close.

He slipped his hands under Kai’s tunic and stroked his hard, abdominal muscles as Kai’s mouth abused his lips. Sehun let out a soft moan, which Kai greeted with his tongue. Then pulling back, he pressed a thumb to Sehun’s throbbing lips, cupping a side of Sehun’s jaw.

“We have to be quiet,” Kai whispered, panting hard. “My family is sleeping downstairs.”

 _His family is downstairs?! Is he mad?!_ Oh, how Sehun had missed Kai’s recklessness… How he had missed Kai…

He kissed Kai. Everywhere his mouth could reach. Cheeks, forehead, his unshaven jaw, cheeks, and his mouth. Kai pulled his own tunic off before he claimed Sehun’s lips again between his. Then there was nothing stopping them.

Their hands fumbled and found their way. Kai caught Sehun’s hand when it tried to slide into his trousers. “No,” Kai mumbled against Sehun’s lips. “I want you.”

The sound their ragged breathing was almost obscene, it could be a sin on its own. Sehun did not protest when Kai flopped him to lie on his stomach. He knew what was happening. This was it. The last piece of the puzzle. From here, there was no absolution for Sehun. He’d be condemned to Hell.

“Wait,” Sehun gasped. “Wait.” He turned to his back and propped himself up on his elbows. “I want to look at you.”

Kai seemed like he was hesitating as he stared at Sehun for a moment. Then hooking an arm around Sehun’s back, he coaxed Sehun to recline again. He removed Sehun’s trousers and boots before he bent forward, curling his arms around Sehun’s thighs. He placed gentle kisses all over the inside of Sehun’s thighs before he dragged those kisses to the flat planes of Sehun’s belly. Sehun gripped Kai’s hair with his fingers, biting his bottom lip to muffle any moan that threatened to leave his mouth.

And then Kai ventured lower again. Sehun’s back arched off the pallet as he tongued the slit of Sehun’s hardened shaft. At this rate, Sehun might just wake up all of Madshire. Kai dragged his tongue along the shaft and all the way to Sehun’s orifice.

Sehun gritted his teeth, face crumpling in confusion. It was not disgust. It was something he wasn’t sure he knew the words for. He did not want Kai to do it. It was too intimate, too dirty. But his rational thoughts abandoned him when he felt Kai’s warm, wet tongue tease and press against his opening.

His eyes flung open when Kai’s tongue was replaced by a gentle finger. “Kai,” he rasped quietly.

With just spit and sweat, Kai slid the finger in.

It was not painful. Discomforting, yes. Sehun clutched at the pallet, grinding his teeth. Over the years, he had learned to muffle his cries, bury them whenever his brother would strike him with a sword or a belt during training. He had never wanted his brother to know that he hurt him. It was almost comical, that of all things, Sehun was using the lessons he’d learned at his training during sex.

The discomfort vanished altogether when Kai’s finger brushed a bunch of nerves, curling around them. Sehun saw stars behind his eyes as he gasped. Delirium would be kinder. This was hurtfully ecstatic.

Kai crushed Sehun’s lips and moans under his mouth, kissing him feverishly as he continued to finger the very spot. It was too much. Too good. Then another finger breached.

“Sehun,” Kai called in a breathy groan, lips brushing Sehun’s ear. “I want to show you how wonderful it can be… Will you let me?”

 _What is the point of even asking right now?_ Sehun responded with a desperate kiss, locking his arms and legs around Kai’s body.

He withdrew his fingers and spat on his palm before bringing to stroke his cock. Sehun watched him intently. He did not know what to expect. This was very new to him, but it was not to Kai. That came as a relief to Sehun. Kai knew what he was doing. He would not hurt him.

He spat again and applied the spit to his shaft before he kissed Sehun’s mouth sloppily. It was all wet, teeth, and tongue. Sehun braced himself for whatever that was to come.

Kai pulled away from the kiss and covered Sehun’s mouth with a hand. Sehun blinked at him. Then all at once, the pain numbed Sehun’s brain. It stretched him, toyed with his endurance and spat on it.

Sehun’s eyes rolled back and he struggled for a few moments as Kai gently thrust in and out of him. Retrieving his hand, Kai barely silenced Sehun with his mouth.

The floorboards creaked as he thrust into Sehun without rest. Then as Sehun stopped clawing at Kai’s back, he slowed his pace. Sehun’s sharp gasps turned to soft breaths of moans. And the more he realized that Kai was inside him, fucking him, the more he started to enjoy it.

The pleasure extracted from such a pain was stunning. He came. He came hard and untouched, and almost felt embarrassed for it. But then Kai kissed him again and again, riding into Sehun.

He throbbed and clenched around Kai’s cock, wanting to feel the most of him. And he did when Kai reached his peak and came inside him, filling Sehun with warmth and wetness.

As Kai collapsed on top of him, Sehun buried his face in the crook of Kai’s neck and wept silently.

 

* * *

 

“Oh, I really missed Sanha’s cooking,” Sehun mumbled with a full mouth as he stuffed more of the stale bread into his cheeks after dipping it in the cold soup. He was grateful for whatever Kai could scrape up in the dead of the night without waking his family up. They had just returned from the Summer Solstice Festival.

Kai had lit a candle in the loft for some light. It had allowed Sehun to see how much of a man Kai had become. He did not have the cheekbones of a young lad anymore. He even wore his hair differently now, though it was still mussed as it always was.

They sat on the pallet, covered in blankets with the candlelight flickered in the corner.

“I wish my father had never dismissed her,” Sehun sighed. He looked up when Kai extended a hand and wiped a blob of soup from Sehun’s bottom lip with his thumb. He then brought the thumb to his own mouth and sucked it.

Sehun blushed and dropped his head. In spite of what they had just done, he still could not believe that he was sitting here with Kai, talking to him as though all the terrible things had never happened between them.

“Did you come here to see me?” Kai asked all of a sudden.

“Huh?” Sehun brought his head up and blushed even harder. “Yes. Why else… I most certainly wouldn’t be here to see your bratty brother.”

Kai smirked and leaned back on the pallet. “This isn’t how I had imagined things to go when we meet again.”

“Me neither,” Sehun admitted quietly. He did not want to think of Hell or God right now. ‘Right now’ belonged to him and Kai.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Kai added, bringing a hand to Sehun’s belly. He then slowly slid it lower, into the blanket that was covering Sehun’s lower body.

“Kai.”

“Do you see how simple it would have all been if only you had… been braver?” Kai whispered into Sehun’s ear and softly brushed a kiss on Sehun’s neck. “Do you have any idea the _Hell_ you’d put me through?”

“I wasn’t exactly in paradise either,” Sehun let out, swallowing the lump in his throat. “This is all still… very wrong.”

Kai pulled his hand away and then himself away, frowning. “Please, don’t do this again, Sehun.”

“I won’t,” Sehun said quickly. “I only mean… It’s wrong. But I’m okay with that. I’ll learn to be okay with it.”

“I don’t want you to be just okay with it.” Kai pulled even further away. “I love you, you misbegotten son of an arsehole. I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I want you to love me back. Not just be _okay_ with it.”

“Lads… can’t love each other,” Sehun muttered, hanging his head.

“Oh. So, what were you doing a moment ago when I was shagging you? Lads do _that_ but can’t love each other?”

“No,” Sehun spat. “I mean to say that I was taught to think and believe that something like this isn’t possible. Why can’t you understand that? Why can’t you ever understand that I have to forsake everything that I believed to be with you? Don’t you think it would be hard for me?”

Kai was quiet. But it seemed like he had gotten the point.

“It will take some time, Kai,” Sehun said. “We couldn’t forget each other in those two years. I couldn’t forget you. I wanted to. God knows I did. I wanted to stop wanting you. But I couldn’t… I don’t look at other men. Or… women. I want you. Only you. You don’t think that’s love? Must I spell it out for you?”

Kai cupped a side of Sehun’s face and kissed Sehun’s cheek. “You’re forgetting that I count with my fingers. I have the vocabulary of a ten-year-old. I’m daft and didn’t even complete my grammar school. I’m not Taeyong. So, yes. You must spell it out for me.”

“You are not daft,” Sehun murmured, brushing his nose against Kai’s. “But all right.” His heartbeat quickened. “I love you, Kai of Madshire.”

Kai smiled, a hand closing around Sehun’s. “Say it again,” he breathed against Sehun’s lips.

“I love you,” Sehun repeated.

 

* * *

 

**_Vingaild_ **

****

“You better not be lying!” Jaejoong growled as he shot up from his seat at his desk. “Brother Roland, on what grounds are you pinning such accusations on my brother?”

“He confessed to me, Jaejoong,” Brother Roland said. “And you have sent him away to Madshire. He will be seeing this peasant lad again. Sodomy is not just a sin. It is a disease. A disease that will spread like wildfire.”

Jaejoong slammed his hands fists on the desk and hurled an oil lamp at the wall. Brother Roland shuddered but kept his pace. “That disgusting sodomite,” he spat through his teeth. “Lying with pagan mud-fuckers… If people found out! Oh, God.”

“Which is why I’m bringing this information to you. If people found out, the news will spread to every corner of Dornwich and there will be nothing we could do to save your family’s name and honour. Stop it while you still can, Jaejoong.”

“Oh, I will,” he said, clenching his jaw. “Not only will my brother pay for his sins. But he will also remember to never commit them again. I will make sure of it.” He paused. “Does Father know?”

“No. He is an old man. And in spite of everything, he still loves his son far too much.”

“Don’t I know that,” Jaejoong grumbled. “But he wanted a reason to burn those heathens to the ground. And now, we have one. We must find out whose cock my brother is bending for.”

Brother Roland grimaced at the language. “I’m afraid I know.”

Jaejoong looked at him, wide-eyed. “The idiot told you that, too?” he scoffed. “My brother always makes it too easy for me. Name him, Brother Roland.”

“It is the cordwainer’s son.”

Jaejoong looked surprised. “I don’t believe I’ve met him… But let’s change that, shall we? I will send out an invitation anon for his whole family to come join us at the dinner.” He smiled.

“My Lord,” Brother Roland said. “Might I ask… what are your plans for this lad?”

“You said it yourself, Brother Roland,” he said, grinning. “Sodomy is a disease that spreads like wildfire. And wildfires… burn heathens like him to Hell. And his family will be there to witness it and go home and strike the fear in the rest of them. As for Sehun, he will know better next time.”

Brother Roland frowned. “It is my duty to counsel you that you need not take such drastic measures to get rid of the boy.”

“I’m just getting started,” Jaejoong said.


	4. Chapter 4

“Did you think of me a lot?” Kai asked, his voice almost as quiet as his breaths. They lay fatigued, hunger sated, as the night oldened. The small window of the loft allowed some of the moonlight to pour in. Sehun could not look away from the light dancing in Kai’s eyes.

“Every day,” Sehun admitted in a whisper. “And night.”

Kai shifted his head on the pillow they shared. “Why didn’t you come to me sooner? Put me out of my misery sooner?”

Sehun looked down at his fingers that were drawing aimless patterns on Kai’s chest. “Did… you… think of me?”

“I did,” Kai said after a moment of silence. “And I would until the wind dies, until the sun rises in the west, until the sea dries.”

Sehun smiled. “Who said you are an imbecile who’s not good with words?”

Kai scoffed. “No one. _You_ did. Just now.”

Sehun could not help the soft chuckle that betrayed him. “All right. But you are better with your hands.”

“Oh, I’ve been told,” Kai said, smirking, and reached under the blanket to cup Sehun’s arse. Then there was a sudden twist in Kai’s blasé expression when Sehun shuddered. “Did I… hurt you?”

Sehun leaned in and kissed Kai’s lips. “No. You could never hurt me.”

 

* * *

 

The morning was aquiver. Sehun could not tell if it were all just a dream or if he were actually here, snugged away in the loft, safe in Kai’s arms. Hell seemed like a small price to pay for a comfort and pleasure so gratifying. No, it could not be a dream for that Sehun never had dreams so beautiful. _Kai_ was so beautiful.

They had talked plenty all night. They had touched plenty, too. Not enough to make up for those years they’d been apart, though. Sehun lay awake since dawn, watching and listening to Kai sleep soundly with an arm draped around Sehun’s spent body. It had given Sehun some time to ruminate about few things. Firstly, he had decided that he would be going to Hell. And while he had accepted his fate, it did not make him any braver. He still feared it and would prevent it if there was a way. But he, like many other debased men, had given in to his desires, and he had chosen to live with the consequences now. No more confessions for absolutions. No more guilt.

Secondly, what had Kai done to him? To his body? The whole experience was overwhelming and simply outstanding. How could Sehun absolve himself from such depravity, this moral corruption? In fact, he wanted _more_. Kai was incredibly good at what he did. And Sehun, an utter novice, felt like an obtuse, brainless child for not knowing or understanding these ways to pleasure.

Sodomy was a sin. But did God know how fucking amazing it was? To have another man’s cock penetrate him, burn him first with pain, then stretch him open, reach the hilt where all the pleasures were baled and bundled, and fuck him mad. It was unequivocally brilliant that it had to be a sin! God knew what He was doing, after all.

Sehun almost laughed at the thought of Brother Roland hearing such confessions. Then he closed his eyes and prayed for forgiveness, for mocking God. Jesus’ Blood, Kai had done horrible things to his body that Sehun was sure he was the most tainted person on earth right now.

The sore in his back had dulled into something more pleasant, like a memory to cherish after a long sail in the sea. Sehun snuggled closer, resting his head on Kai’s shoulder. Kai stirred, exhaled a loud breath, tightened his arm around Sehun in his sleep.

Pots clattered down the loft. He heard voices, deliberately hushed. The sun was coming up. Sehun knew he should not overstay his welcome here.

He brushed his lips on Kai’s cheek, drawing a hand down the tan lad’s chest and abdomen. Kai did not rouse. Smiling against Kai’s jaw, Sehun let his hand glide into the blanket and wrap around Kai’s limp cock. With the slowest of movements, he gave it a stroke and then another until he felt it starting to harden as a guttural rough whimper escaped Kai’s throat.

“You should be quiet if you don’t want your family to hear you,” Sehun whispered against a corner of Kai’s mouth, pumping his cock under the blanket.

“Fuck,” Kai exhaled drowsily in a hoarse voice as his hand slid from the small of Sehun’s back to grip a side of Sehun’s arse, his fingers digging into the flesh.

“Shh. Shh,” Sehun murmured as his lips ghosted over Kai’s.

He cracked his eyes open just a little and met Sehun’s playful smile with a panting, gasping mouth. Sehun brushed their lips together, teasing Kai’s bottom lip with the tip of his tongue as Kai bucked his hips up to thrust into the hand fisting his thick, swollen member.

As he edged closer, Kai’s hand flung up to grab the back of Sehun’s head and he forced their mouths together. He kissed Sehun violently, abusing Sehun’s lips with bites. He sobbed for air, stealing most of Sehun’s as Sehun stroked him harder.

The kiss muffled a moan, Sehun wasn’t sure whose it was, as Kai came, spurting hot white ropes of come into the blanket and Sehun’s hand.

Kai dropped his head back on the pillow and panted, gulping large drafts of air, his chest bathed in sweat. Sehun smirked, retrieving his stained hand from the blanket. Raising his head again, Kai then took hold of Sehun’s wrist and lured the hand to his mouth. Sehun watched him, eagerly, curiously, as Kai’s warm tongue curled around one of his fingers and licked up the semen.

Sehun’s heart skipped a wild beat. It was not something he had not seen Kai do before. Kai had swallowed Sehun’s, savoured it without flinching. But this was different. This was far more intimate.

Kai’s fingers clutched at Sehun’s hair as he leaned closer and pressed their mouths together. It felt like a jolt, an invitation into something more debauched than what they had already done. He tasted Kai’s come on his lips. Licked it. Made a promise to remember that he had done it. He could feel his own shaft hardening between his legs now.

Kai pulled him close. “I was hoping this wasn’t a dream,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to Sehun’s chin before he drew his lips to Sehun’s neck.

Sehun whimpered. “You must stop. We ought to go down.”

Kai withdrew with a smirk. Sehun almost gasped when Kai clutched him between his thighs. “Someone’s awake,” Kai drawled, grinning and nuzzling his nose into Sehun’s neck.

A blush burned and crimsoned Sehun’s cheeks. “Stop, it tickles,” Sehun groaned and shoved Kai’s face away. “We really should go down.”

Kai sighed and sat up. “My mother won’t be very pleased.”

“I don’t think she will,” Sehun muttered under his breath. He then sat up and pressed a hand to Kai’s back. “Kai… You do believe that… I am not here to hurt you again, don’t you? Or to… break you again. And I’m… truly sorry for doing it before.”

Kai frowned. “Did my mother say something to you?”

“Does everyone in your family know?”

“No. Just Mum. But did she… say something to you?”

“She was fair, her resentment is fair,” Sehun replied, leaving a soft kiss on Kai’s shoulder blade. “I was… cruel.”

Kai grabbed his tunic and pants from the floorboards. “Well, I won’t say you weren’t.” He rose from the pallet to get dressed. Sehun stayed still, staring down at his pale hands. “But,” Kai then said, taking hold of Sehun’s chin as he knelt on the pallet again. “I can take it.”

Sehun smiled weakly and received a tender kiss. “Kai,” he called, catching Kai’s arm when Kai started to pull away. “We have to be careful.”

Kai pursed his lips and sighed. Then he nodded. “I know. And we will.”

“No,” Sehun rasped. “We have to be really careful. Your mother knows… But no one else can.”

“I won’t tell anybody,” Kai promised. “I want us to be together just as much, remember? I am not going to let you go again. I want you and I will do anything for you.”

Sehun blinked away the tears in his eyes and kissed Kai deeply.

A contradiction was what Kai had always been in Sehun’s life. He used to push Sehun away while wanting him at the same time. Mock him with derision, although he had loved Sehun. Now, it seemed as though everything had returned to the way it was when in fact everything had changed between them.

 

* * *

 

They climbed their way down the ladder of the loft. Sehun grabbed onto his sword instead of buckling it to his belt. He quietly followed Kai to the dining table where his family was quietly breaking their fast.

All heads turned towards Kai and Sehun. Taeyong, in particular, grimaced and returned his glare to his bowl of pottage. Sehun bowed his head at Kai’s father and then at his mother.

“I am starved,” Kai remarked when no one said a word. As he reached out for a potato roll on the table, his father grumbled.

“Yeri, go see if the horses are fed,” his father ordered. “Taeyong, I’m sure you have a book to read.” Once his younger children left the cottage, the man rose from his chair and pinned Kai with a merciless, disappointed glower. “Lord Sehun of Vingaild,” he then greeted Sehun.

“Master Cordwainer,” Sehun replied with a curt bow of his head. “There is no need to address me as your lord. I am _not_ your lord.”

“Just his son,” he sighed. Kai recognized the disgruntled tone in his father’s voice.

“Will you breakfast with us?” his mother offered without a smile.

“No, thank you,” Sehun said politely. “I best be on my way. It is a long ride home and I see that I have overstayed my welcome.”

“I have received your father’s invitation to the Vingaild Supper,” Kai’s father said. “Let him know that I am honoured to be his guest.”

Sehun nodded. “I will.” He bowed once more. “Thank you for your hospitality and I am sorry for troubling you.”

“It was no trouble,” Kai’s mother said. She then turned away to mind the boiling kettle.

Sehun glanced at Kai. “I will see you off,” Kai said and started to turn.

“Might I have a word with you, son?” his father halted him.

Sehun swallowed and looked at Kai forlornly. Then nodding his head once more, he headed out.

Kai turned to his louring father. “What is it, Dad?”

The old man took a moment to respond. He rubbed the wrinkles on his forehead and exhaled heavily. “Do you know what you are doing?” he asked.

Kai kept mum.

“I asked you a question, lad,” his father chided softly. “Do you think you know what you are doing?”

In a low voice, Kai answered, “Yes.” He took a breath. “Yes, Dad. I know what I’m doing.”

His father looked crestfallen. “You do not realize that once you’ve put your foot too deep, there is no coming back up. You court your own downfall, son.”

“He’s not a bad person, Dad,” Kai argued defensively.

“No, he ain’t. He’s a good lad. A proper, religious, noble lad. Not of our kind. He is of the kind that would trample on us and have no care for our beings.”

“He cares about me,” Kai said. It tasted unbelievable even on his own tongue. A day ago, he was wishing to never see Sehun again. To never go through the agony he had suffered again. But the night had changed everything.

What he had believed had wilted blossomed once more. It felt unreal. Like a dream. Like how the living got a dead loved one resurrected.

His father closed his eyes defeatedly. “I do not mind you lifting your tunic for lads. But you cannot do it for _him_.”

“I _cannot_?” Kai echoed furiously. “ _I_ choose whom _I_ want to love.”

“Your father means well, Kai,” his mother interjected. “You are young. You will find plenty of lovely blokes in Madshire. A peasant bloke. Not a noble.”

Kai could not believe what he was hearing. “If only things worked that way, Mum,” he spat. “If only I could control what my heart wants.”

“Kai—” his father began.

“No, Dad,” he cut him off. “I do not need your blessings to be with him. I want to be with him.”

He did not wait to hear any more protests as he stormed out of the cottage. He strode to the horse shed with his hands clenched into fists and jaw squared.

He came to a halt when he found Sehun and Yeri attending to the horses.

“What is her name?” Sehun asked, pointing at Kai’s horse.

“Isolde. She’s my brother’s,” Yeri said, beaming.

“She is beautiful,” Sehun commented.

“Do you have many horses?” Kai’s sister inquired, patting Sehun’s white horse’s neck.

“My father and brother do. I do not have a horse of my own.”

Kai marched towards them. “Let’s get going,” he said, untying Sehun’s horse’s reins.

“Where are you going?” Yeri asked as Kai ushered Sehun away. “Can I come along?”

“No,” Kai snarled at her and she stuck her tongue out at him.

“Your sister is very nice. Unlike you and your brother,” Sehun said as they started towards the forest.

“Why my brother?” Kai snorted, arching an eyebrow. “If you have trouble with a saint like Taeyong, then _you_ are the problem.”

“A saint!” Sehun exclaimed with a scoff. “He is insufferable. And quite the braggart.”

“It means show-off, doesn’t it?” Kai said, remembering the time Sehun had used the word against him.

Sehun smiled in his way. “Yes.”

 

* * *

 

When they reached the river, Sehun leashed his horse to a tree and handed him an apple before he turned to Kai, who was gazing out at the ever-flowing watercourse.

This was their location. Their safe haven. Their Eden. Sehun never thought he’d be here again.

“Do you remember,” Kai asked as the wind ruffled his hair. “when we first… kissed here?”

Sehun’s chest tightened. Blood rushed to his cheeks. “We did more than just kiss,” he muttered.

Kai faced him with a complacent smile. “Anything you still regret?”

Sehun could not answer that honestly. If nothing had happened that day, they would not be here, standing next to each other, holding hands, wanting to relive their moments on the riverbank from that day. But on the other hand, if it had not happened, they would still be friends and Sehun would be a good pious little believer who would not be going to Hell.

“I don’t know,” was an answer Kai was not happy with. He frowned at Sehun with furrowed eyebrows.

But the frown disappeared quickly as Kai smiled at him, pulled him close by the hand and planted a kiss in Sehun’s forehead. “Unexpected… But I just want you to know that… I don’t regret a thing,” he whispered to Sehun.

He then retreated abruptly and started removing his clothes.

“What are you doing?” Sehun asked, blinking.

“I believe we need a good wash after all that sex,” Kai said with a wide, mischievous grin. Sehun mirrored that grin as he discarded his own clothes and ran after Kai.

They dove into the river together and Sehun let the water scour the sweat and semen off his skin before he surfaced, gasping for air. A splash slapped him on his face, blinding him momentarily. As soon as he recovered from the attack, he countered it with a splash of his own.

Kai laughed and lunged forward, wrapping his arms around Sehun’s body underwater.

“Let’s stay here forever,” Kai panted as he drew Sehun close. With their bodies pressed together, Sehun locked his arms around Kai’s shoulders. “Let’s never leave.”

Sehun leaned in and let himself drown in Kai’s kisses. When he was allowed to breathe again, Sehun licked Kai’s lips once and smirked. “Will you do it again?” he asked, breathlessly.

“Do what?” Kai played coy.

Sehun eyed the riverbank. “Make love to me like you did last night.”

Kai’s grip tightened around Sehun’s body then and he pressed his hardening cock against Sehun’s thigh. “Like last night?”

“Like last night.”

“You are asking for a very unpleasant ride home, Sehun of Vingaild,” Kai purred, sliding his hands down to grope Sehun’s arse.

“I can handle it,” Sehun teased.

 

* * *

 

**_Vingaild_ **

****

“You look very happy, Milord.”

Sehun’s head shot up to look at the servant girl, who was dusting the mantelpiece of the fireplace in his rooms. It was then when he realized he had been grinning to himself like an idiot the entire time while idly staring into a book whose pages he hadn’t flipped in a while.

“I _am_ happy,” he told the servant girl and looked back to the book. He smiled again. Although it had only been three days since he returned from Madshire, he was already fantasizing about visiting it again. This time, perhaps he and Kai would make use of a longer day together in the forest.

Oh, Lord, he thought of the river. The riverbank they fucked madly on. The tree Kai hoisted Sehun against, legs wrapped around Kai’s hips. The forest floor they had spent the rest of the afternoon on, besmirching it with sex.

He was certain Kai was thinking of the same thing.

As much as he wanted to ride for Madshire this very instant, he could not. The Vingaild Supper was tomorrow night and Sehun had to stay home to welcome the guests as per his father’s orders.

As the servant girl exited the room, Brother Roland walked in, wearing an unusually distraught moue. “Sehun,” he called, forcing a smile.

Sehun rose from his bed and approached the cleric. “Brother Roland.” He bowed his head.

“How was your… trip to Madshire?” Roland queried.

Sehun tried not to show the reluctance in his face. “It was… fine, Brother Roland. Why do you inquire? Did Father tell you? I had to deliver an invitation to the… cordwainer.” He realized what he was divulging as soon as he had let the words roll off his tongue.

Brother Roland looked at the book Sehun had left on his bed. “Am I right to assume that you have time for a confession now?”

Sehun felt his blood run cold. “I don’t… Brother Roland, can we do this some other time?”

“I’d rather we do it now, Sehun. _Now_.”

“Here?” Sehun asked.

“Here is fine.”

“But I just confessed some days ago,” Sehun said.

“Do you have nothing to confess to?” Roland asked bitterly now.

Sehun fell silent with his heart in his mouth. His silence was a mistake.

Brother Roland regarded him with something like disappointment in his hard expression. “I had warned you that recommitting a sin you had sought absolution for is a greater sin, Sehun. Please, I beseech you to confess—”

“Master Sehun,” a guard appeared in his doorway unexpectedly.

“Yes,” Sehun said, turning away from Brother Roland. “What is it?”

“You are summoned down to the stables,” the guard said.

“By whom?”

“The only son of the Earl of Saltbury, I presume, My Lord.”

Sehun’s face lit up at once. “Jaehyun,” he gasped and hurried out of the room, not sparing Brother Roland another look.

He raced down to the stables without pausing to greet the other guests, who were already making themselves at home.

Upon arriving at the stables, he searched the stalls in a frenzy. It was strange, how in his own home, he felt like a stranger. To the extent that welcoming a friend felt like welcoming a family.

When he spotted Jaehyun conversing with a stable lad, Sehun slowed to a walk, grinning from ear to ear.

“Jaehyun!” he called, and the tall lad turned, greeted Sehun with a warm smile.

“Missed me so already?” Jaehyun scoffed as Sehun pounced on him and crushed his upperclassman in his arms. “That’s a tight grip. Wow.”

“I have indeed missed you,” Sehun said, pulling back, flashing a toothy grin. “Come!” He took Jaehyun’s arm and hauled him towards his room. “Is your family here, too?”

“Yes. Your father just received us. Why do you seem like you’re drunk?”

_Drunk with happiness, perhaps._

He released Jaehyun’s arm as they climbed up the stairs. “I have a lot to tell you. You must be tired, though. Hungry?”

“Some wine wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

 

* * *

 

“So, you two are friends again,” Jaehyun asked in disbelief, nursing the winecup in his hand.

“Yes,” Sehun said excitedly, lounging on the bed. “It is like a dream.”

Jaehyun hummed, taking a slow sip of the wine. “You really did love him immensely, didn’t you?”

Sehun sat up and glanced at Jaehyun on the chaise lounge. The smile died from his lips. “What?”

“As a friend, I mean,” Jaehyun amended with a smirk. “Unless… you disagree.”

Sehun shook his head. “Absurdity. You are absurd. He is my… friend.”

Jaehyun laughed. “Then why do you hesitate to call him your friend?”

“I do not hesitate! Can you quit it? These are not jokes that will be entertained in this manor.”

“So long they stay a joke, Sehun,” Jaehyun sighed. “I am happy for you. You have gotten your… best friend back.”

“Yes,” Sehun muttered, lowering his head. “Yes.”

“Does this mean you will treat his brother nicer when the semester starts again?”

Sehun chuckled. “That I cannot promise. Taeyong and I have… developed quite the relationship.”

“Hmm,” Jaehyun mused.

“My father invited Kai’s father to dine with us tomorrow. You will meet him there.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened in surprise. “To dine with us? A peasant?”

“He’s a cordwainer. And the reeve of the people of Madshire.”

“Yes, Taeyong told me before. But that does not mean he could sit at the same table as our fathers.”

“Taeyong sits at the same table as us.”

“That’s different.”

Sehun huffed exasperatedly. “I believe it is a good effort. To demonstrate my father’s kindness.”

“Your father is trying to seduce him to bend his knees for Jesus Christ, isn’t he?” Jaehyun scoffed.

“Don’t speak that way!” Sehun chastised him. Jaehyun continued to giggle. “I, for one, think that it’s wonderful. It would… eliminate one of the differences Kai and I share if he chose to believe.”

Jaehyun’s laughter faltered. “I have never met him. But based on what you and Taeyong have told me about him, I highly doubt it. He would have his back broken before he’d accept our teachings.”

Sehun dropped his gaze to the silver cross resting against Jaehyun’s chest. “It isn’t a fault to hope for the best.”

“No, it isn’t,” he said. “But it would be more than wishful thinking to want what you want.”

Sehun tried to not to let Jaehyun’s words get to him. “I am happy you are here, Jaehyun.”

“I am, too.”

 

* * *

 

**_Madshire_ **

****

“An invitation for the whole family?” Yeri squirmed. Excitement glimmered in her large eyes. “It can’t be! Oh, what will I wear, Mum?! I have already dirtied my finest kirtle at the festival! I must wash my hair! There will be knights there. And lords! Sons of lords! Pretty ladies!”

“Hush, Yeri,” her mother rebuked.

“Are you sure, Dad?” Kai asked now as he turned to his father, who held a folded letter that came to them this morning. “All of us?”

“Yes,” his father said stoically.

“We must go,” Taeyong said. “Sehun is my classmate. My roommate. His father has extended the invitation to all of us because of that.”

“Must be why,” their mother said. “But we will not be appropriate enough to dine with lords and ladies.”

“Oh, how these people in Madshire will burn with jealousy!” Yeri exclaimed. “I would love to see the look on Kaleena’s face when I tell her that I’ve been invited to the Vingaild Supper!”

“You will not gloat to anyone,” Kai spat, holding his sister in a headlock. “Don’t be a… _braggart_.”

Yeri grimaced. Taeyong looked impressed. Kai rolled his eyes.

“Will we go, Dad? All of us? Will you take us with you?!” she pleaded her father, who simply smiled at her.

“This is the earl’s order. We cannot refuse,” the man said.

“We must start getting ready,” Kai’s mother gasped as she walked into the house. “Yeri, wash yourself up!”

“It is a little bizarre, isn’t it?” Kai muttered, folding his arms on his chest.

His father cocked an eyebrow at him. “The invitation?”

“Yes. It’s out of the ordinary.”

“Hardly,” Taeyong interfered. “Like I said. His son and I are classmates.”

“Classmates who brawl at every chance you get,” Kai countered.

“Well, then. What about the fact that you two seemed… awfully cosy together. What are you, friends now?”

“Why? Are you jealous?” Kai smirked.

“Brawl?” their father asked, rising to his feet.

Taeyong pinned Kai with a daggering look. “It’s nothing, Dad. But we must honour the earl by accepting his invitation.”

“I agree,” he said with a sigh and turned to Kai. “You should clean yourself up, too. You are the last person who should be sceptical about an invitation from your… very nice friend’s family.”

Kai clenched his jaw. He was the earl’s son’s lover, yes. But Sehun was not mad enough to invite his peasant lover to a dinner previously only attended by nobilities. This was not Sehun’s doing. If anything, Sehun wanted to keep Kai as far away as he could from his family.

He was not going to complain, however. This was an opportunity to see Sehun. It was the only reason he needed.

 

* * *

 

**_Vingaild_ **

****

The manor was far too crowded for Sehun to catch his breath in there. He retreated to the stables, which were just as crowded. But at least the horses did not ask him a million questions and didn’t expect him to force a smile every time he heard a praise. The horses did not expect him to court their daughters. He had lost count of how many noblewomen had tried to pimp out their daughters to Sehun tonight. Of course, Jaejoong was the first prospect. But the lastborn of the Earl of Vingaild was no cheaper offer.

Jaehyun was doing a better job at courting the daughters, though. _And_ their mothers. Sehun would not be surprised if more than one of them joined Jaehyun in his bed tonight.

“Milord,” the stable lad said, bowing to him. Sehun smiled at him and proceeded towards the biggest stall in the stables. It belonged to Jaejoong’s black beast.

 The night continued to age. The dinner would begin soon. Sehun had not sighted the cordwainer yet. Perhaps he was not coming. It would be a mistake not to.

Halting before Wildheart’s stable, Sehun raised a hand to the horse’s nose and stroked it gently. He missed Kai. He couldn’t wait for the supper to be over so that he could sneak out to Madshire. He had promised Kai that he would return before the week ends.

A sudden ruckus at the stables’ entrance averted his attention. Sehun turned around and started towards the entrance, wondering whom the stable lad was talking to.

“Please, sire, I can take your horses,” Sehun heard the stable lad say.

“I am not a _sire_ and I can tie my own horses myself. Just show me the goddamn stalls, will you?”

Sehun froze in his tracks. Blood spiked up to his head. He could not believe his ears. He moved with haste then, heart pounding wildly.

He barely recognized him when he saw him. Scowling at the stable lad, gripping the reins of two horses. His usual nest of black hair was swept neatly. He must have combed his hair after dismounting his horse. He wore a clean tunic, laced neatly, the sleeves were tight around his biceps. His boots were clean. _He_ looked clean. Shaven, neat, so bloody handsome.

“Kai,” Sehun rasped, out of breath, just from undressing Kai with his eyes. Oh, how much he’d love to undress Kai for real right now…

Kai’s glaring eyes softened as they darted to Sehun.

“Leave us,” Sehun blurted out to the stable lad. “I’ll show him the stalls.”

The stable lad bowed before beating a hasty retreat.

Sehun could not stop grinning as he mustered Kai from top to toe. He couldn’t find his voice for a moment. “You look like… a knight.”

Even under the faint moonlight, under that bronze skin, Sehun saw Kai blush embarrassedly. “No, I don’t,” he grumbled.

“Jesus Christ, you do,” Sehun exhaled breathlessly. He then grinned once more, closing the distance between them. They stood between the horses, staring into each other’s eyes for a length. “What are you doing here?” Sehun whispered, edging closer. He stole a quick kiss from Kai and stepped back.

“Your father invited us to the supper,” Kai said.

Sehun’s eyebrows rose. “He invited your father.”

“We received another invitation yesterday morning.”

Sehun rubbed the back of his neck confusedly. His father was not a man who reconsidered… And he would have told Sehun if he had sent out another invitation. Well, it did not matter now.

“Come on.” Sehun ushered Kai towards the vacant stalls. “Are you mother, sister, and brother here, too?”

“Yes,” Kai said absently, glancing around the stables. “So many horses.”

“So many guests,” Sehun said. He searched for the stalls that weren’t crowded. When he had found some, he waited for Kai to settle his horses in them.

As soon as Kai was done, Sehun grabbed him back the arm and turned him around before shoving him back against the stall’s wall.

“Sehun, what are you doing?” Kai husked, eyes bulging out.

“I was losing my mind thinking about you the past few days,” Sehun rasped and hastily fumbled with the laces of Kai’s trousers.

A smirk quirked Kai’s lips. “Have you now?” he chimed, raising his hands to Sehun’s hips. “But is it safe to do this here?”

“Nobody comes this far into the stables,” Sehun said and smashed his lips on Kai’s jaw to kiss it.

“Well, _we_ did,” Kai murmured. He then caught Sehun’s frustrated hands that were tugging at the laces. “Not now.”

Sehun frowned disappointedly, pulling back. “Why?”

“I have to return to my family.”

“Are you seriously saying no to this?”

“Hurts my heart, but yes,” Kai said, smiling. “But I would love to pick it up again later.”

Sehun bit his lip. “Will you wait for me in the woods? I will sneak out.”

Kai nodded. Then he cupped Sehun’s face in his hands and kissed him.

“You are very handsome tonight,” Sehun muttered against Kai’s mouth.

Kai withdrew with an arched brow. “Just tonight? Because I bathed and primped myself like you noble folks?”

Sehun chuckled, rifling his fingers through Kai’s hair at the nape of his neck. “I was not expecting to see you tonight.”

“Are you pleasantly surprised, My Lord?” Kai whispered and caught Sehun’s lower lip between his teeth before tugging at it gently.

Sehun moaned as Kai released the lip. “You cannot do this. It’s not fair. You cannot tease me like this and refuse me.”

Kai smirked. “Now you know how I felt all those years.”

“Since when?” Sehun questioned, caressing Kai’s chest.

“Since… I don’t know… Since you were… sixteen perhaps.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Wow. You’ve loved me since then?”

“No. I was a… horny teenager back then. I just wanted to shag your arse.”

That earned Kai a gentle backhand across his cheek. “Come. We should get going. The supper will start soon.” Sehun sighed and retreated from Kai.

As they wended their way out of the stalls, Sehun jumped with a start when Kai slapped his arse and gripped it. He swatted Kai’s hand away and snarled at him before smiling to himself.

“So, you had no idea that your father invited us all tonight?” Kai asked.

“No,” Sehun muttered. “I had—” He stopped himself when he heard footsteps. Kai had halted beside him, too.

Jaejoong stepped away from Wildheart’s stall and turned to Sehun with a sinister smile. “Brother,” he cooed, advancing towards Sehun. “Where did you disappear? Father is looking for you. It is,” he paused to smirk at Kai and then at Sehun again. “rude to leave your guests unannounced. Who is your friend here?”

Sehun scowled. “I was just showing his horses to their stalls. He’s here for the dinner.”

“I see,” Jaejoong drawled. “Well, welcome to our house. Dinner is not held in the stables, though it is easy to get confused since you and your family must be supping amidst horse shit every night.”

Sehun saw Kai clench his fists. “We should go,” he told Kai quietly.

“No, no, no,” Jaejoong said. “The dining hall is that way.” He pointed Kai towards the stairs. “It’s big. Hard to miss. If you’ll excuse us, I would like to have a word with my beloved brother.”

Kai did not walk away immediately. He glanced to Sehun with a lockjaw. “Go,” Sehun then told him.

“Pleased to meet you, My Lord,” Kai said to Jaejoong through his grit teeth and bowed his head before he left them alone.

“Now, funny acquaintances you make, dear brother.”

“I told you, I was showing him the stalls,” Sehun said. “He’s the cordwainer’s son. Father invited them to the supper.”

Jaejoong smiled and stepped closer. Sehun stared at him confusedly. “No,” his brother said sotto voce, curling a hand around Sehun’s arm. “I invited them.”

“What?” Sehun let out.

“Come. Take a walk with me.”

Sehun dragged his feet alongside his brother. His stomach churned with anxiety. Something was wrong. The fine hairs on the back of his neck rose. Eerie.

They climbed up the tower, which led the gallery of the dining hall.

“Where are we going?” Sehun asked shakily.

“Riddle me this, darling brother,” Jaejoong said, releasing Sehun’s arm. “What wins a war?”

Sehun gawked at his brother wordlessly for a moment. “Soldiers. Power. Leaders,” he answered in a quiet voice.

“Perhaps,” Jaejoong said with a shrug. When they reached the gallery, Sehun gazed down at the long tables that were teeming with food and guests. The cacophony was almost deafening. Too many conversations overlapped one another.

His eyes fell on Kai and his family, who were presenting themselves to Lord Grant. His heart skipped a beat.

The noise died as all heads turned to the peasant family.

Sehun’s father rose from his seat and greeted them with a warm, welcoming smile. The cordwainer inquired about the shoes he had made for Lord Grant and his men.

“What a lovely family,” Jaejoong said, diverting Sehun’s attention. He glanced to his brother and found Jaejoong smiling at him. “What wins a war… Hmm. Soldiers. Power. Leaders.” He paced a few steps around Sehun and stopped behind the latter. Placing his hands on Sehun’s shoulders, he muttered, “Those do not win a war, brother. Strategy. Tactics. Cutthroat mercilessness.”

Sehun saw them then. His brother’s guards with crossbows, lined along the gallery’s balustrade. Aiming at the dining hall down below. None at the nobilities. All at the smiling peasant family.

“For the sake of the blood we share,” Jaejoong purred. “none of those are pointing at you.”

Sehun’s eyes watered. His hands shook. His mind turned into a blank slate. “What are… you… doing?” His voice barely surpassed a whisper.

“Teaching you a lesson, you filthy sodomite,” he hissed into Sehun’s ear.

Sehun knees nearly buckled. Blood drained from his face.

Jaejoong stepped back. “Now. The evening is about to take a very… dangerous turn. You will accompany me downstairs. You will smile at your guests and you will take your seat by our father’s side. And then, you will silently watch the show.”

Sehun turned around and look at his brother with tears blurring his vision.

“If I see a tear drop from your eyes,” Jaejoong snarled, grabbing Sehun’s jaw. “your beloved cocksucker’s family will be paying for it. For every drop of tear you shed, they’d be shedding more blood than you can imagine.”

Sehun’s body quaked. “You… cannot do this…. Father will… not… let you.”

“Father will.” Jaejoong smiled. “In fact, everyone here will. Because you know why? Not everyone here is spreading their legs for a peasant heathen.”

Sehun clenched his eyes and let a tear trickle down his cheek. “I love him, Jaejoong… Please, don’t do this.”

“Love him!” Jaejoong laughed. “You are making this so much worse, little brother.” He harshly grabbed the back of Sehun’s neck and yanked him forward. “You will listen to me if you don’t want me to slaughter his family like pigs right before his eyes. Be an obedient little pet tonight, will you?” He released Sehun’s neck and patted Sehun’s shoulder, smiling. “You will.”

Sehun stood limp, terrified as Jaejoong wiped the tears from his cheeks. “If you make a single movement against me, brother, if you try to save him, if you even so much as open your mouth, not only will those pagan mud-fuckers die, but I will let the entire world know of your disgusting fixations. And you will tarnish father’s honour.”

His own death sounded like a song to his ears right now.

He let his brother drag him down to the dining hall. If he had known fear before, he knew nothing at all until now.

 

* * *

 

“I was not expecting you to bring your entire family with you,” Lord Grant said, looking genuinely surprised.

Kai’s father fumbled for the invitation. “But we received this, Your Lordship.”

Lord Grant took the invitation and examined the seal. “This is not my signet, I’m afraid,” he said, frowning. “It is my eldest son’s.”

Kai and Taeyong exchanged a look. Eldest son. It was the arsehole Kai had met in the stables.

People rubbernecked stupidly at him and his family. Some look at them with disgust, as though roaches had barged into their holy sanctuary.

 

* * *

 

“Father,” Jaejoong called with a lively tone as he entered the dining hall. He kept a firm hand on Sehun’s back. “What is taking dinner so long? I believe we are all famished.”

Soft murmurs started again amidst the guests.

“Ah, yes,” Lord Grant said. “Please, sit,” he then said, turning to Kai’s family. “Let us dine.”

Sehun met Kai’s eyes briefly before Jaejoong yanked him away and forced him to take his seat by their father’s side. “Now, remember, brother,” Jaejoong whispered into his ear, bending down. “A drop of tear, a chalice of blood.”

Sehun closed his eyes.

“Oh, this must be the cordwainer,” Jaejoong said, pulling away from Sehun.

“We have met before, My Lord,” Kai’s father said.

“Yes. I am… wearing the shoes you’ve made,” Jaejoong replied, looking down at his boots. “Marvellous handwork.”

“Thank you, My Lord.”

“They get dirty easily, though.” Jaejoong pulled out a handkerchief and tossed it to the cordwainer.

For a moment, silence prevailed. Sehun clenched his trembling hands under the table.

The cordwainer staggered momentarily. “Of course, My Lord,” he then muttered and started for a crouch.

“Here, Dad,” Kai interfered, snatching the handkerchief away from his father’s hand. “I will do it.”

Jaejoong smirked. “Like father like son,” he remarked.

Kai was grinding his jaw. He glanced at Sehun once before he dropped to one knee and wiped the muck from Jaejoong’s boots. Behind him, his mother and sister gawked at him in disbelief. Taeyong looked as though he had seen a ghost.

“Jaejoong,” Lord Grant began to say.

“That’s enough,” Jaejoong spat to Kai.

Sehun could not meet Kai’s eyes when Kai rose back to his full height.

“I have arranged a table for you, too,” Jaejoong said and pointed at the small, wooden table in the corner of the hall, surrounded by Jaejoong’s hunting hounds. The noblemen and women snickered in derision, whispering behind their hands.

Sehun, however, did nothing. He sat still like a doll. There was no excuse for his cowardice. But this was not cowardice. He knew Jaejoong well enough to know that his brother made no idle threats.

 

* * *

 

Kai took a step forward with a tight fist but stopped when his mother caught his arm.

“Don’t,” she muttered to him.

“If we are not welcome here, we will go home,” Kai then said, as calmly as he could.

“My son is—” Before Lord Grant could finish, Sehun’s brother cut in.

“Oh, you will not go home so soon,” Jaejoong said, closing the distance between him and Kai. “I believe the evening is very young and so many truths are waiting to be uncovered.”

Kai scowled at him.

“Causing a scene,” a nobleman spat. “What did you expect, Grant? Inviting bloody heathens to eat with us!”

“Take your seats,” Lord Grant then ordered Kai and his family. “I called you here to discuss important matters. Do not slight my invitation.”

“We didn’t intend to, My Lord,” Kai’s father said quickly. “We are grateful and honoured. Come now.” He grabbed Kai’s arm and hauled him away.

“Not you, cordwainer,” Jaejoong said. They halted. “ _You_ were invited by my father. You will sit with us.”

Kai’s father bowed. “I thank you for the honour, My Lord.”

“Oh. Don’t thank me yet.”

“Go,” his father muttered to him. Reining his anger in, Kai ushered his mother, Yeri, and Taeyong towards the table. Taeyong paused to look at a charming, toffee-nosed nobleman’s son, who grinned at Taeyong like a lovesick pup. Kai grimaced at his brother and nudged him to walk.

He then turned to look at his father, who started to take his seat between noblemen.

“Hold on a second,” Jaejoong stopped him. “The Reeve of Madshire,” he announced, smirking. “I would like to know something.”

Kai’s father froze. He looked nervous. Ashamed. Rage bubbled in Kai’s chest.

“Yes, My Lord,” his father said.

“Now, do you think it sounds ridiculous when I say… peasants should sit and dine with nobles?”

Silence.

Then with tears in his weathered eyes, the old man nodded. “It does, My Lord,” he said in a low voice.

Kai’s eyes instantly turned to Sehun.

Sehun watched. The bastard watched. And did nothing.

There was no expression on his face. He just… observed.

“Then where do you think,” Jaejoong continued. “a peasant… a heathen like you should sit among us nobles?”

Kai’s father gulped, hung his head. “On the ground, My Lord.”

“Precisely. A smart man, you are.”

“Jaejoong, there’s no need for that,” Lord Grant said. “He will sit with his family. This table is… not for peasants, cordwainer. I hope you understand.”

“No, no, Father,” Jaejoong said. “He can sit on the floor and make sure that my boots are clean enough for him to eat from it.”

Jaejoong saw it coming. The fist Kai swung at him. He dodged it with an easy smile and a simple move.

“This will be your first mistake of the night,” Jaejoong muttered to him and caught Kai’s fist that was thrown at him. “Seize him,” he ordered the guards.

Kai growled and landed a few punches on the guards before swords were drawn. They seized his arms.

The guests looked more eager than horrified.

“No, please!” Kai’s father begged. “Please, let him go. We will leave. Please, My Lord!” He dropped to Jaejoong’s feet and pleaded.

“Your heathen son dares raise a hand to his lord,” Jaejoong spat, stomping his boot into Kai’s father’s chest, sending him dropping to the ground.

Kai barked, baring his teeth, and lunged at Jaejoong. Then came the first blow to his back. He was brought to his knees.

When Kai’s mother hurried to his side, she was seized by the guards, too.

“Tonight, we show these heathen bastards that they are nothing but mud sticking to the sole of our boots,” Jaejoong said, bending towards Kai. “You want to fight me, don’t you? You’re like a mad hound.” He smirked. “You want to go home? Safe and sound?”

Kai clenched his fists so tight that his fingernails bled his palms.

“I will release you,” Jaejoong said in a low voice, a conversation meant for only them to hear. “You will be unharmed. But only for a price.”

“Fight me one-to-one, you poncy git,” Kai spat.

Jaejoong laughed. “Why would I do that when I could just ask my men to rip your arms off and be done with it? Do you want your family to watch you die here?”

Family.

Kai’s eyes reflexively searched for Sehun that instant. Family.

Sehun watched. Pale and quiet. He watched.

“I am not that cruel,” Jaejoong said. “But I particularly do not like you heathens from Madshire. You are constantly a pain in the arse. My father needs a reason to wipe you all out. So, why don’t you be a darling and confess to us all… how you’ve been screwing my brother.”

Kai went completely still.

“A very small price to pay, isn’t it? Open your mouth and accuse my brother of his wrongdoings. Tell everyone here that he’s a cocksucker and he bends for you.”

Kai tore his gaze from Sehun and fixed it on Jaejoong. “No.”

Jaejoong smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He drew his sword and slammed the hilt into Kai’s face. The blow left his head spinning for a moment. “You don’t want to defend him, boy. _He_ didn’t want to defend you.”

Kai opened his eyes and looked at Sehun again. He did nothing.

“Say it,” Jaejoong threatened him. “You cannot be punished by heathen law for lying with a man. But he will. And don’t die defending my brother’s honour. He certainly didn’t care for yours. Do you think he will speak for you? Do you think he would ruin himself for _you_? Did you seriously believe you meant something to him? Oh, how pathetic.”

Another blow. And another. And another.

Kai choked on his own blood before he spat it out. Then the guards turned to him. None of them were any more merciful than Jaejoong. He took several boots to his stomach, one that broke his ribs. Blood trickled from his head and bathed his face. The agony was too much to take.

“Please, stop it!” he could hear Taeyong crying. “Please, someone, stop it!”

He could hear his mother and sister sobbing. He heard his father begging Lord Grant for mercy.

But he heard Sehun do _nothing_.

Jaejoong grabbed Kai’s hair and forced him to kneel up. “Speak,” he said. “Tell everyone what my brother is. You won’t be harmed any further. And since you’re not a Christian, our rules don’t apply to you for being a sodomite. Confess. Tell us what Sehun’s been doing with you.”

Kai blinked through the blood that dribbled down his eyelids. “No,” he croaked out.

Jaejoong scowled murderously and kicked Kai back to the ground.

“Jaejoong,” he then heard an unfamiliar voice. “I certainly don’t remember _this_ being a part of the Vingaild Supper the previous years.”

“Sit your arse down, Jaehyun. Or leave,” Jaejoong snarled. “I will not have a heathen fuck insult me in my own home.”

“He was not insulting you,” the lad named Jaehyun said grimly. “But you are insulting yourself right now.”

“You came here for the entertainment, didn’t you?” Jaejoong scoffed, holding his sword out to Jaehyun.

“No,” Jaehyun snarled. “I came here for the good food, wine, and pretty Vingaild lasses. Not have my stomach turned before dinner.” He drew his own sword and held Jaejoong at his swordpoint. “I am a better swordsman than you, you know it.” He flashed a cocky smirk.

“You are standing for these heathens?!” Jaejoong squawked, glaring murderously.

“Well, someone has to, right?” Jaehyun shrugged. “What do you say? I challenge you to a duel? I can do this all night. You know me well enough to know that I love a challenge.”

Jaejoong hesitated for a moment before he dropped his sword to his side. “You’re sticking your oar in the wrong places, Jaehyun.”

“Well, the women I’ve been with beg to differ,” Jaehyun replied, grinning. He sheathed his sword again when Jaejoong retreated.

Jaejoong grabbed a handful of Kai’s hair again and lifted his head. “You will listen very carefully. If by the end of this month, you continue to remain in Madshire, I will hunt you and your family down and kill you. I don’t care what you do. Go far away. And take your heathen friends with you if you could. But never return. Dump him outside the gates,” Jaejoong ordered the guards.

Kai was barely on his feet as he was dragged out of the manor.

 

* * *

 

Sehun finally let a tear drop from his eyes as Kai was dragged away and his family followed after him.

Taeyong paused for a moment, opening his mouth to say something to Jaehyun. But he didn’t say anything as he hurried away, wiping his face with the sleeves of his tunic.

Jaejoong strutted past Sehun and ruffled Sehun’s hair. “Good boy.”

“Jaejoong,” Lord Grant halted him, rubbing his temples. “Do you think you know what you’ve done?”

“I’ve solved your problem, Father,” Jaejoong spat. “The Reeve of Madshire will flee. The people of Madshire will know their fate will be the same if they don’t do our bidding. I did your job for you, Father. Be grateful.”

Sehun rose from his seat and started for his room.

“He wasn’t your friend,” he heard Jaehyun accuse when he walked past him. “No man will be that unlucky to be your friend.”

Sehun did not meet Jaehyun’s gaze as he dragged his weight up to his room.

 

* * *

 

A few days passed. Sehun never regained the courage to confront Kai. He saw it. He saw the betrayal in his eyes.

He felt betrayed. Kai must have felt so betrayed.

And Sehun spent the next few days in his bed, exhausting every ounce of his energy blaming himself.

On the fifth night, he sat awake, staring at the Holy Bible on his bedside drawer. He was consumed with the desire to fling the Bible into the burning fire. He would never be free. He would never love freely. God had reminded him of it with Jaejoong the other night.

Sehun had _killed_ the man he loved the most. Killed his spirit.

Kai would never want to see him again. Never.

Sehun had no more tears left to shed. He’d return to Evershall soon and never return. He’d run away again because he hadn’t the courage to face Kai. And Kai would leave Madshire.

The air stirred in the room all of a sudden. The wind was heavier. The room, not so cold anymore.

Sehun turned his head and glanced at the open window. At first, he thought that it was just his imagination, his desires playing tricks at him.

He rose from his bed, retreated to a wall, and stared at the figure by the window.

Kai said nothing either as he panted quietly.

He moved then. Crossed the room. Sehun stood still, tired and yielding.

“For that I love you,” Kai said in a low whisper. “I would not mind if you tore me into a million pieces.” His hands reached Sehun’s face before his lips smashed against Sehun’s.

Tears flowed down their faces and laced their lips as they kissed grievingly. It would be their last kiss ever. Sehun knew it.

They came apart, gasping and sobbing. Kai leaned forward once more for the slightest brush of their lips. He then pressed something sharp into Sehun’s hand.

Sehun stared down at the wooden arrowhead in his hand. It was from the arrow Kai had given him on their first meeting. The arrowhead Kai had thrown away.

“The wind has died,” Kai whispered, wiping Sehun’s tears from his cheeks with his own cheeks, one by one, cupping Sehun’s head in his hands. “And the sun rises westwards for me. The seas… have dried for our ships to sail.”

“Kai…” Sehun exhaled, looking into Kai’s eyes for one last time.

“My love for you was real, Sehun.” _But yours for me wasn’t_. He didn’t say it. He kissed Sehun tenderly one more time before he withdrew completely and climbed out through the window.

Sehun looked down at the arrowhead in his hand and dropped to his knees on the floor. He was a coward who could not even tell the man he loved how real his love was.

 

 

To be continued in **[The Windrunner’s Rivercourse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408295).**


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